After that I went bowling with a bunch of ASB people. I bowled a 76, and then I just started to get worse after that. I bowled a total of 3 games. I really want to get better at it, but no matter what I do, I just suck. I'm pretty inconsistant too. Sometimes I'll not care and I'll get a strike, or sometimes I won't get anything... then sometimes when I concentrate, I will get a strike and other times I'll still get nothing. It's really frustrating. It's hard to get good when there's inconsistancy.
After that I played 2 hours of DDR on this mimic DDR machine. It wasn't even technically DDR, but whatever. I can tell that I'm getting better at DDR and that makes me happy. I want to play more often so I can lose weight.
You know throughout the whole day, I felt like I didn't belong among my friends, not even Jed or Charita... Well, I guess it was mostly Charita, cause Jed and I were alright, but I don't know. It just makes me so sad that I can't really talk to Charita anymore. I'm worried now... I won't see her when school starts. I probably won't IM her very often. God, I'm just so... I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm worried. It looks like the end of another friendship... and maybe it wouldn't hurt me so much if I loved Charita so much. She's a good friend. I'm tired of losing all my friends. Why can't I have one, even one friendship that lasts? I just want to go to the corner and cry...
Jesse's gonna go to England today. I miss him already. I dunno what I'm going to do for 3 weeks. I'm going to be so bored outta my head. I'm so sick and tired of this. I feel like I'm moping around. I hate my life and I hate how everything's turning out. I'm not doing anything at all. This is all so ridiculously stupid. I hate it. I don't want to live anymore. What's the point? And I don't mean that in a suicidial way. I mean that in a frustration type of way, because what the fuck am I living for anyway? God, I'm so angry. I'm getting the fuck outta here.
No wait, you know what else isn't fair? Jesse can't go to college because he can't get a loan anywhere. He wants to go to Cal Arts, but he can't afford it... He's so talented and he so deserves to go, but now he can't. He has to move out now and find a job and go to some other college that he CAN afford. How the fuck is that fair? He makes me want to pray and I've never believed in praying... it's just that he deserves so much more than what he's got... and that fucking pisses me off. God... Fuck it all.