So today marks day 3 of Jesse being away. I guess I'm doing alright but I miss him so much. I'm not used to this lack of chatting. I dunno how I'm going to survive 3 weeks, but I'm guessing that it'll get better as the days go along.

So yesterday my mom scolded me for not doing anything this summer, which is pretty much true, so now I'm trying to find a job again. The money would be nice and plus I'm tired of doing nothing... I hope I don't start to give up again. I hate that about myself. I'm very motivated in the beginning and after I lose that motivation, I just don't really care.

I keep thinking about Jesse and what he would think if he really knew about the way I was... how I'm lazy and unmotivated... but then again, I've explained to him about the way I am, but it seems like he doesn't believe me. Today, my mom mentioned that I'm lazy academically and if I worked harder, I could've gotten straight A's. It's true. I admit it... Whenever I hear Jesse talk about how hard he worked to earn his 4's and 5's on AP tests, I just... it makes me feel bad... because I know I could be so much more than what I am... I'm just an unmotivated child... but Jesse says I just need to find that spark of motivation... which I really hope is true, but I doubt it... and that troubles me and it bothers me too.

Now that I'm not so pissed, I just feel extremely worried. I need to find a job otherwise I dunno how I'm going to pay for college and I don't want my mom to help me pay for it. Oh yeah, tuition, food and drom, etc. cost roughly $20,000-$21,000. I'm paying off half with grants I got, but man... I never realized how expensive education could be. I know your thoughts... how ridculous, paying for education?!

Please, please... I hope I find a job!!!

Good day.