Aww man. It's bad. Well, as you know I went to Vegas Sunday and Monday so I've been away until today. Most of the time, it was DDR and I've gotten a lot better which makes me feel really great, but because I DDRed so much, my leg hurts. I'm limping when I walk now. I hope it gets better in a few days.

I felt pretty alright at work today, but I dunno... a few hours after I got home, I got really depressed. I started missing Jesse. I mean, I guess it's kinda understandable in a way, since I saw him for two days straight, which never happens, but then it just made me realize that things are changing again. I hadn't realized that I had adjusted to the summer... the fun at expo and things like that. I adjusted to my new friends and stuff like that, and now I feel like I have to let them go. Irvine is quite far away and I fear not seeing Jesse as much as I want to... especially since Jesse has so many goals. He wants to do so much and that means less time online and such. I don't want to stand in the way of that, so this means suffering and depression on my end.

I don't understand that part of myself... why I always build such strong bonds that I can't keep. Each one just ends up hurting me more than the last. I'm really, really sick of it. Why can't I find a friend that will always stay by my side? And I know the answer to that. It's because I have to leave them too. I can't always be near them if I have to do what I need to do. I can only treasure what's happening now and live up the moment. I keep building more and more precious memories, but it feels like to me, none of those memories will ever happen again for real. They can only be fragments of what I remember and I wonder so much if that will be enough? And the thing is, it has to be enough. If it isn't enough, then where does that leave me? A place I can't be.

I wish I could be more sure of the future. Jesse thinks that I'm sure we'll figure something out to hang out, but I worry so much that we won't get to hang out that much and I worry that he'll be too busy with classes to go online and talk to me... and I got my own life to deal with... my own busyness. So I want to be sure about everything, but I can't and being so unsure, it worries me and it gets me depressed. I just wish I knew.

I really hope that good things are happening around the corner, because I feel so depressed right now. Please tell me things will be okay.