My feelings changes between apathy and agony. I feel like this is the end of Jesse and I's friendship. He's gonna be so busy and I just don't know how I will get to see him. It's not even about that. I fear that I won't even get to talk to him online because he has so many classes. He has 8-10 classes. Two are 6 hours long and the others are 3 hours long. I dunno how the hell he's going to find the time to talk to me. Even if he did have spare time, what if that's the time I'm in class or I'm working?

I really can't believe how much I've come to rely upon Jesse and how close I've gotten to him. I've only really known him two months but we've gotten so close. I feel like I'm losing another friend. It reminds me a lot of the fear I had about a month ago of losing Charita as a friend. I'm really, really scared. I always seem to have a falling out with all of my friends and I've hardly been able to stop them. I hope to god that it doesn't happen, but I'm just not sure anymore. I'm never sure when it comes to friends now. I see all these patterns in the past few years and I just dunno how the fuck I am going to break it. It seems too hard. Me, I just want things. And they, they never give it to me.

Could I be losing Jesse?