Well, I saw Jesse again Friday and we went out and played DDR. I'm proud of the fact that I beat Healing Vision (something I couldn't beat last time) and Break Down on heavy. I thought that I had regressed since I hadn't played in awhile, but I realize it was only about 2 weeks and a half... it's not so bad compared to playing monthly like I used to do.
We went back to my room to see if maybe we could fix the computer... no such luck. Then we watched TV and around 2am, he left... but the thing is before he did, we hugged, for a long time. At one point, it felt kind of awkward... hugging someone for that long... and you know, my feelings for Jesse had kinda dispersed at that time, and it felt weird. We released each other because a couple of girls from my suite had come back home and I dunno... I guess that feeling of intimacy disappeared when we heard them talking and stuff...
But what's weird is, near the end of the hug, I had this... vision? daydream? I dunno what it was exactly, but I saw, in my head, us kissing, after the hug was released. That didn't really happen though of course and after the hug, he left. I went to bed... and in a way, I was sickened out. I don't really know why. I guess, it's just that I hadn't really thought of Jesse in that way for awhile, and I wasn't comfortable with it that second? Oddly enough though, I had a dream about Jesse and me that night and in it, we were on a double date with this other couple I didn't know. I remember some random moments and plus the fact that we kissed. It was really light and soft, but nice. It's weird how I can remember how it felt, even though it didn't even really happen. I don't know what to make of it. And now, I'm back in the same situation as I was in before. I thought about this all through work too. Like, if we got together, where would we be down the road? I don't think it will be okay if we break up. I dunno how well I would deal with it. If we don't break up, that's ... well, crazy... it'll eventually come to... marriage?! Plus, I kind of want to tell my mom if I start dating anyone and I dunno what my mom would think about him...
Yeah, that concludes this entry.