This isn't right anymore. I'm with Jesse still, but that escapes my head half the time. I find myself thinking about someone I shouldn't be thinking about... Somehow now I want to make it work again. Somehow now I want it more than I wanted it before. Have I learned nothing? I wonder if it'll change. I don't think it will. The situtation's still the same. I'm nowhere near him... but then why do I want this? I haven't wanted this in a long time... perhaps 2 years... I dunno. Nothing's changed, I know, but something sparked..?

I don't even get to talk to him that often. He's like never there... I miss chatting with him, I do. I feel really nostalgic. Is that what's going on? I don't even know... but it's just I find myself thinking about him now. Not even in a wanting to be together way, but I'm nostalgic a lot, and I'm always wishing that I could be near him. I really want to see him. I'm getting more and more anxious and I really think that I should work towards visiting him this winter. I have to do this for my sake. I have to find out. It's eating at me, not knowing for sure what's going to happen.

I'm starting to debate whether I should still be writing in here. I know who reads this and I used to want to do this for myself, but not anymore. I've changed so much from who I started out as... and I can't create another user on here because it'll still be diaryland and because of that, it wouldn't change anything. I may actually start writing in livejournal. I hate being one of the statistics, but I can't help it. It doesn't feel right to be here anymore.

*Sigh* Why do I miss you so much? And now?