First thing I've never mentioned: Jesse and I broke up. We lasted a week. I'm not sure if we were ever together... I guess we were, but we just never went on a date or anything. Here's how it broke down. After the night we got together, I slowly stopped liking him. Weird how once I get with someone, my feelings for them disappear. I can't control it though and Jesse knew this about me when he got with me. I warned him about this and how I was and it was a risk he wanted to take I guess. After we got together, we saw each other for the first time a week after we got together when we went to Knott's Scary Farm (theme park). It was alright, except before we went in to the park, I phoned a friend that worked at Knott's and asked if he was working that night. He answered no and asked who I was with. I slipped and said that I was with a friend. Jesse didn't mention this to me until the end of the night at around 1 or 2am. We were in my car and we were hugging... kind of... (like Eric and I used to) and he was about to go, expect he stopped and asked me, were we not together (referring to phone call)? And I answered honestly that I wasn't really thinking when I said that and I guess the truth was I didn't really see him that way (anymore?). We talked for a really long time and it reminded me a lot of the conversation Eric and I had before we got together. Eric was warning me about how he would be a bad boyfriend... now it was different, I was warning Jesse about what a bad girlfriend I would be to him. After about an hour, he said that he still wanted to try it... but when I had arrived back at UC Irvine, he called me and he said, "I thought about what you said and I think it's better we just stay friends." And we did stay friends for awhile... but then... I dunno, the way I saw him changed. It reminds me a little bit of the situation I had with Eric, except sometimes I'm nostalgic for Eric, but I'm never nostalgic for Jesse. There is something about Jesse's personality that I can't stand. He reminds me a lot of my brother actually and I can't stand my brother's personality. I don't talk to Jesse very often at all anymore, but he IMs me sometimes. Overall, I wish the best for him, but when he starts to speak, it irritates me. I guess I like him best when he's quiet.
What else to talk about? Well, I guess I could talk about the college experience. It's nothing too surprising, and nothing's really changed in some ways. I don't know if you guys remember this but I didn't make it into Berkeley, UCLA or UCSD, so I ended up here at UC Irvine. It's really close to home, about a 20-30 minute drive. I haven't gone home very often though because I work on the weekends. I still work at the sushi store in Costa Mesa. Work is kinda boring, except this new girl, but that's a whole different story. Anyway, college is different and kind of the same. It's a lot harder to find friends in college, especially if you're commuting. I, however, am not commuting so I'm doing fine I guess. There is two main dorms for freshmans and that is Mesa Court or Middle Earth. I applied for Middle Earth, but I ended up in Mesa. I applied for a double and I ended up in a triple (I have two roommates). Despite this, I made a lot of friends in Middle Earth... and I hardly know anyone in Mesa. I don't like my roommates. I mean, they're nice people in general, but they're not people I would be friends with. One of them... I dunno. She's alright, but we just don't click. The other one is hardly ever around. She's out partying all the time and sometimes she doesn't even sleep here in the dorms. Go figure. Despite this, my two roommates ended up being friends... and they are friends with the other people in our suite except two people. (11 people in our suite.) They all get along well, but I'm just whatever with all of them. They wouldn't come to me for anything and I wouldn't come to them for anything either. They see me kind of like the odd ball and I don't blame them because I kind of am an odd ball. I'm used to having a room all to myself and having it quiet if I want it quiet and loud if I want it loud. When I'm in my room, I like to think of it as me time, but now that there's two other people in the room, and I feel like I have to socialize in my own room. That just feels odd to me. It's not just that, there are other things as well. For one thing, I've always been a tomboy, and the one that parties all the time is such a girly girl. The other one's alright but she can identify herself as a girl. Me, I'm just a plain old boy inside this girl figure.
Anyway, as I was saying, if you commute you won't make friends at school... because there's so many people here and depending on what class you take, you could have up to 300 people in your class. Plus, there's no seating chart. You can sit in a different seat everyday. The teacher don't take roll either so you don't have to attend (although this is not true in small classes). Homework is done online so the teacher doesn't have to collect and correct anything, I assume. If you're late to class, the teacher doesn't say anything. If you don't attend, the teacher doesn't say anything. If you don't have class until 3pm, you can sleep in. There is no lunch period. You eat when you want to. There is a cafeteria, however it's only open to those who buy a meal plan. Our meal plans are 10, 14, or 19 per week. Basically that means you get to enter the cafeteria that many times per week and when you enter, it's all you can eat. Grades are based about 70-80% midterms and finals. So homework doesn't really mean anything anymore. I guess that's all there is to say about college.
Now I'll mention the people I've met since school started. If it wasn't for my joining my melee group on facebook, I would've been really miserable the first few weeks of school. The guy that created it, Matt, messaged me and asked me to come to Harrowdale (his hall) to play melee. He's better than me, but not the best I've seen. I thought we had a pretty good friendship at first, and I think perhaps I looked too much into it, especially since I started to develop a bit of a crush on him. I went to Harrowdale almost daily for awhile, until the game cube broke. But in that short time I was there, I learned about half the people's names in that hall. With the loss of melee in that hall, I soon moved on to Elrond (another hall in Middle Earth). I went there because I knew Greg, he's my lab partner. Soon I learned about half the name of people in Elrond as well. I haven't really gone there this week because I haven't been playing too much melee. I've been too busy playing Gunbound on my computer. That's mostly how I've been spending time outside of classes.
Overall, Irvine has been a good experience. It would've been a better one if I had opened myself up to have a better one. I've been too caught up with home lately and I have been pretty much sense school started. I don't think I have given Irvine a fair chance and from what I have given, Irvine is far more better than I would have expected. I miss home all the time. That's usually the cause of all my depression lately. That's probably why I can't wait for school to end. The next coming week is the 10th week, then it's finals week and that Wednesday, I get to go home and stay there for a whole month! It's weird that all throughout my life I've never appreciated my mom while she was with me, but now that I'm away from her, I miss her all the time. Or maybe, it's just being home I miss or all of it, I don't know, but I just know I miss it. I miss my friends from home as well... but they seem to be doing just fine without me and I wish I could say the same, but it seems as if my nostalgia is one sided.
And finally: I know I mentioned wanting to see Jeff this winter... but I simply don't have enough money. I've thought about this a lot as well and given that it's such a short time span now anyway, it's not enough time to plan. A part of me still desperately wants to see him no matter what's going in my life, but there's just so much more to consider now. I do still miss him at times... and I think about him, more than I should perhaps.
Well, good day and good grief.