Yesterday was pretty good. I signed up for classes. At first I thought it wasn't going to be good because my writing class was all full so I can't take it this quarter. Another one of the classes I wanted was all full as well so I think I'm going to take that next quarter as well. Instead I am going to be taking two philosophy classes. I don't know if they will be interesting, but I hope so. If I end up not liking it, I will just drop out. My chem and chem lab classes worked out well and so did my math, but the chem worked out well because I'm a chem major, otherwise I'd been screwed. (They give chem majors first choice on chem classes.)

I guess I am quite happy with my schedule, except that it's a lot more busy than it was this quarter. I hope it'll all work out in the end.

After my class, I went to Elrond hall where I pretty much hung out with Brian all day, along with some other people about half the time. We played Mario Kart, and melee. Then we went to Brandywine and ate. I also saw Genie (one of my friends from the Harrowdale hall) so we ate with her. After that it was more melee and Mario Kart. I got a little depressed when I played melee because I have really regressed in that game and I think I had a sour attitude for awhile. When we started playing kart, I felt better. Then we ate dinner at around 10:30pm (because we had a late lunch at around 3:30pm) then when we came back we played Gunbound... or rather I played and Brian watched and finally I went back at 2:30am and I slept at 3:30am and woke up just in time for my 9am class.

I am feeling extremely guilty about my sour attitude while gaming because I at one point said "fuck you" when Brian killed me, not at all in a tone that was joking. He didn't really take it too seriously I guess because he treated me really nicely afterwards all the same. Brian is really a great guy to be able to do that, cause I know a lot of people that would immediately treat that very differently. Brian's so great in so many ways though. I'm actually quite jealous of him. It seems to me that Brian is one of those naturally smart guys, but I can tell he also studies. I wish I could be like that. He's so much more motivated than I am and I like that about him too. It makes me sad that I'm not like that. I know I could try to be like that but I know that no matter how I study, I never quite get the results I want. Brian's so easy going. I'm practically jealous of everything there is to be jealous about when it comes to Brian. He's good at melee, better than I am and he only started playing since school started. It makes me so jealous. I've been playing for who knows how long and he's better than me! So many people are better than me and it makes me jealous. I try practicing but for some reason I can never do it. I never play as well as I want to. People say with practice anything is possible, but I don't really believe it. A lot of things that I have wanted to get better at, I never quite do because no matter how much I practice I don't get better. I guess it could be the lack of patience. Perhaps I'm getting better so slowly that it's unnoticible and I start to give up before it really shows. I don't know. I just know it's frustrating.

That also makes me wonder if I want to date somebody like that. I don't think I would want to date somebody that's better than me at everything. I think that's so frustrating. I hate fulfilling that I-am-a-helpless-girl role. It's stupid.

I wish I was better at things. I'm just a generally decently good at everything person... and whenever I meet someone that's good, really good at everything I get so jealous, but I know there are people who suck at a lot of things. I should be thankful that I even have what I have, but I can't help it. I wish I could be better than who I am now.