My Christmas was boring and not worth mentioning. As usual, there were no presents under the tree, but my parents did end up giving me $100. They went to Las Vegas for the weekend so it was just my brother and I. We didn't do much either but he did make some pizza. It turned out like crap. I think it's still in the oven, forgotten. We should throw it away before it rots.

Last night I found out that he has a girlfriend now. I don't feel ready to reveal who "he" is. It makes me sad thinking about it because even though we're far away, I still believed in us. I don't know that I'm hoping they'd break up... I don't know what I'm hoping for. A part of me says he should be happy, I hope he is because he deserves it... but then another says, he should be happy with me. If only we were closer. I still think about him now... but I think that he's forgotten I exist most of the time. And if he does think about me, I don't think it's in the way that I want it. And anyway, it doesn't matter anymore. It seems that he's been running after a lot of girls lately. Sometimes I wonder if he's a different person from what I remember. I know for sure I've changed... but I wonder if for him, I could just be that small little girl again. Maybe I should accept once and for all that we're not meant to be. I guess in the back of my head, I always believed that we were it, even though it's been such a long time apart and we've been with different people.

Perhaps I just want this so much more now because I'm lonely.

I've gone shopping a lot lately. I've spent about $200... but it was well worth it. I watched that Japanese movie, Geisha today. It was good. I like the history and background, but the story itself and the ending was kind of too ... perfect. I was expecting a tragedy, but maybe some people would call it that still, but I don't think it is. I will read the book later... if I ever finish Harry Potter...