I must admit my diary looks really lonely now. Looks like a project that I seemed to work really hard at but in the end, got abandonded anyway. Seems like everyone I knew is now completely gone off somewhere... completely forgotten about this place. I guess there are few people left, otherwise who's diaries was it that I just read now?

I really wish that I could continue to write in here like before, but I lack the motivation. The fact that I feel like for one thing, that I don't really need a diary makes it hard for me to want to update because I lack the motivation. I really would like to meet some new people on here that might help me get back into writing as often as I used to and be excited about this place as much as I used to, but I've been finding that that's so much easier said than done. Still, I will try. I know I've been writing the same thing over and over again, each time I update, saying that I don't update because of lack of motivation and for that I'm sorry, but I find it hard not to provide a reason for my actions, but I guess I'm going to stop from now on. I'm gonna try really hard to continue writing in here as much as I can though.

Anime Expo this year was July 1 to the 4th. I wasn't sure about going because... I guess I've been really out of the loop this year and I hadn't really spoken to any of my friends in awhile. I've been really isolated to be honest and kept to myself this year. In the end, I did end up going. I stayed with a friend of Court's (Rick's brother) and paid $50 for 3 nights. I was, to be honest, by myself for most of the time and I guess I've come to the realization that I'm probably gonna be doing a lot of things by myself from now on. I dunno but it seems that I've lost all my friends. I just don't feel like I really have anyone anymore to be honest.

I did meet one guy there that I wish I could've kept in contact with, but I guess... so much for that... I'm hoping maybe I will run into him at Comi-con if I decide to go to that. It's next weekend if I do.

I got drunk for the first time during AX. To be honest, I've been lying to myself saying that I hate people who drink and I didn't understand why people would want to go out, come home and throw up and have a fabulous hangover the next morning. I guess I kinda do understand because the truth is that I wanted that too. I wanted to have friends that I could drink with. I know it seems a bit pathetic, but I can't help it. I just want to be normal, and by that I mean mainstream. Go ahead and yell at me then.

I spent day 3 and 4 mostly with Paul, my exboyfriend, Paul. He had in fact asked me on one of the nights if he had ever thought about getting back together. I guess the thing is, I just feel no attraction towards Paul whatsoever. There's no chemistry is what I'm trying to say I guess and I really need that or I lose interest pretty fast.

I know I've been talking as if I'm single, because in my last entry it seemed like I was deep in it with Gil. I broke things off with him after I got back from AX. Being around my friends at AX made me realize that I was spending too much time on the computer because of Gil. I'm trying desperately to find a life outside of the computer because it's ridiculous how much time I spend on here, lately because to be with Gil.

I'm not saying that Gil isn't a great person or anything, because I think he is. He was so heartbroken when I told him that I was gonna break it off. I guess the only reason he ended up okay with it was because we are still friends and I helped him through it. I can't help but think that just because we're friends now doesn't mean that anything's changed. I'm still spending most of my time with him and on the computer. Nothing's change. This really beats the purpose of why I broke up with him in the first place.

Since AX ended, I've been working everyday. It's hard to believe perhaps, but I still work at that sushi place. It's been about a year now. I did find a new job recently at my school, so I haven't had a day off in almost 2 weeks. I finally get a day off Friday, in which I will be going to visit Jon, Rick and Jesse.

I feel like everyday, I give up on life more and more. There's so many thoughts going through my head and I can't began to write it all down. Now I'm tired and I'm going to sleep. I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep. It's only 10:30 I know, but I just can't take it anymore...

I'll write when I can.