I'm still thinking about Paul sometimes... Maybe sometimes I'd really prefer to talk to him... I read what I wrote about him last year when I was his girlfriend. He was really such a good boyfriend to me.

I called Gil today and forced myself to talk to him because I know if I did that, that would help me to feel how I felt about him before. I know I'm going to see him really soon... I shouldn't be thinking about anything but that... but there are other things on my mind.

I've found a few things that I can't stand about Gil actually. They're not really things that could be said to him or to someone else. It's just this feeling I get from him... No, it's more than a feeling. I know he's doing it on purpose, whether he'll want to admit or not. Sometimes, on gunbound, he'll tell me he'll love me, just to be possesive or to tell the whole world that we're together. It's bothersome. I don't know why, but I find it annoying... especially since so many people on gunbound would then respond to that by saying it's an online relationship and Gil would respond, "no we're together in real life; I'm looking at her right now." But that's a fucking lie. Why does he go out of his way to tell everyone that we're together, when he'll have to end up lying to people... I don't understand him. It seems like he's just picking a fight with people, in which he's not even telling the truth.

I guess there are a few other things... I don't feel like going over them anymore right now, but they're all dumb things like that I guess. I can't really say that I've been a good girlfriend lately anyway because I've been lying about dumb little stuff anyway... like things that involve Paul. Also, I try to avoid saying certain things to Gil. I don't know if he has noticed... I'm so fickle. I don't know what I want at all. I hope I figure it all out in Sept. In a week, I'll know... I had better.