Last night I stayed at work late till 12am helping Betty (the woman that hired me though I have never done any work for her until now). She gave me 10 dollars for starbucks and food just cause I stayed late and helped out. Plus, she gave me a lot of food and fundraising chocolate that she couldn't sell off but was forced to buy. I'm thinking about selling some... hmmm... but who would want any? I hate walking around neighborhoods and asking. Gah. Maybe I'll just eat it - all 49 bars.
Today I helped out at a soup kitchen. It was boring... but I guess it made some other people feel better... I guess. They had the sweetest oranges I ever tasted... and I ended up eating so many slices, I'd say altogether I ate about 10 oranges. I even got to take some home. The people there were really nice.
Paul wants me to sleepover at his house tonight. I haven't driven up to LA yet... and frankly a drive from Irvine to LA is a long time. Okay so it's only about an hour tops... but still...
At night I sometimes still miss Gil and I think about when he held me when I was in Florida. He misses me and I miss him too but I said I wasn't going to be with him anymore cause I needed to find happiness on my own.
I don't know what the heck I was thinking. I'm not sure I could ever find happiness by myself. I don't know. I don't think I'm sadder now but I don't see myself ever getting happier... and I've been wondering if what I had thought earlier was right. I mean, I really think that despite not being that happy right now, I bet I could be a lot happier if I had someone... someone here I mean... not far away like Gil.
But I'm just terrible with guys. I dunno why I'm such a dating idiot. It's probably cause I'm picky. I could be with Paul if I wanted to choose to be with him... but I don't. The guys I do find myself thinking are cute or are attractive... pfft, I doubt they've even looked at me to consider dating me... so I don't get it, where do people go to find a guy to date?
Oh yeah, Betty says I'm mature and wise. I think it's cause I have the heart of a 70 year-old... almost wish I really was one.