Tonight is a downer. Actually, this whole week (even though it's only Tuesday) has been fucking gay. I'm thinking about calling it a night right now, but I know that when I wake up tomorrow morning, I won't stop feeling angry like this.
I spent the past four or five days sleeping over with Paul at his sister's house, at my teacher's house (I was housesitting for Ms. Royer again), and also at his house. It's been really nice I guess, but at the same time I've grown really dependent on him and that kind of scares me in a way. I'm really glad that winter break is just around the corner because I can't stop worrying about a lot of things.
I brought him to my mom. My mom doesn't like a few things about him here and there. My dad is okay with whoever I date as long I'm happy. It's the first time that I brought a boyfriend home. I'm happy with Paul, I am, but I really worry about the future.
He's a bit incompitent and in that sense, he reminds me of my dad (and his as well). He sees it in himself though and he promises me that he'll take care of me and provide for me and all that. All he wants is to make me happy. I want to believe him, but I'm having a hard time with it. I get scared about this... that such a big fate is not even my choice. I really want to put my faith in him though because I really want this. When I think about a future with Paul, I get excited, not dull or scared, the way I used to feel with Gil.
I dropped my phone in the toilet yesterday and it broke. I never realized how hard it is to not have a cell phone. I really didn't think it would bother me this much, but it's really pissing me off. I feel like I'm drifting from Paul. It's only been like two fucking days (not even) and I'm going absolutely INSANE! It's so much worse than my stupid computer that is broken yet again.
I'm so sick of crap. I just want to be with Paul. I miss Paul. I don't want to deal with school anymore. I'm sick of everything. All I want right now is Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul.
Oh... and he feels the same.
Anna, my love. ...to be honest with you... TODAY FUCKING SUCKS! I feel like shit not being with you. I couldnt sleep at all last night. I ended up getting up at 4 fucking 30. I miss you like crazy, I actually am physically ill over it. I am so miserable with out you. I cant wait till i can see you tomorrow. On the down side, I have to work tomorrow from 7 to 10. They wanted me to work today, but i got class. And I'm gunna get fired soon enough (if i keep sayin no), so I dont have a choice. Sorry my love. Anyways..... I have such a huge headache, and I cant see straight. I miss you sooooooooooooooooooooo much. I would love to run away with you right now. And actually I was thinking about coming to see you today, but theres no way, even if i did take the train. I got class and gay shit like that. I love you so much. I want to be with you.
P.S. Happy Aniversary, love<3
Oh yeah, today's our anniversary. Sigh. What a terrible day.