I finished my chemistry project yesterday, it took me about 3 hours, mostly due to the fact that I was watching "Liar, Liar," man that's a funny movie! Today was the spaghetti dinner thing. I feel like Chris and I are drifting, he didn't even sit in the same table as me, he sat in front of Zuri. Yes, if you must know, I'm a bit jealous and somewhat hurt. Well, I was sitting in a table with Nancy, Andre, and Matt. Well, I guess it doesn't matter, cause Ricky didn't sit near Nancy either. Although, he did come up to Nancy this one time and put a bottle of soda on her head for a few seconds and then Nancy looked up. They looked like they were together for that second, at least. Yeah, at least Ricky made some effort. Well, that's not really what I want to talk to you about.

I accidently spilled powerade in Anthony's hair... oops! I was tilting it to show Nancy and I looked at her for a moment and it spilled and I was like... oh shit!!! So then they poured some of the powerade on me. And I just lost it. I don't know what happened, I couldn't take it anymore. For one thing, even though I was happy and hyper for that time, there were inner emotions stirring inside me. I was late this morning, I woke up at 8:45 and I was late by 11 minutes. The worst part about that is 'cause if you're later than 10 min, you're counted as absent so I had to get a readmit for Monday... Grr. Then I realized that I forgot my vocabulary cards. Yes, I forgot an assignment, I'm not pround to admit it cause I've always prided in the fact that I've never forgotten a homework assignment (well, not that I could remember of) and a part of me is really ashamed. I was on the verge of crying anyway! And don't think this is crazy cause I've cried over the fact that I missed one vocabulary word in a vocab test. Yes, you're talking to Miss Want-To-Be-Perfect. Well, so anyway, I got extremely mad at Anthony. He spilled a lot on me, I'll admit... but afterwards I looked back, and it wasn't him I was mad at, at all. I'm mad at myself. And I wasn't crying because Anthony poured powerade on me, I was crying cause I couldn't take it... I'm mad that I can't control myself basically. And I can't take that. I didn't mean to get mad like that. I didn't mean to... I just can't control it anymore... I had no reason to be mad at Anthony... I wasn't... I was mad at myself. ARGG... I hate going through this pattern... but goddamit, I hate myself!

*fRagiLe*