there was a house, but it looked more like an apartment it had this exteneded balcony type thing going on anna was standing on it. she's holding a cat. there's a weird lady on the buttom at the age of 24 or 26. she's talking on the phone. anna spots the lady, but it seems that the lady doesn't know that anna is up there. anna releases the cat all the way to the edge so the lady could see the cat. the lady spots and notices the cat. she says bye on the phone and anna could hear the footsteps of her walking up the stairs. anna paniks and walks towards the other way on the long balcony, as quietly as she can, but it wasn't very quiet. right before anna turns, the lady comes out... anna starts making a run for it, scared that the lady might see her. the lady goes after anna and both of them could hear the other's footsteps. anna goes into this weird staircase maze, where there's tons and tons of staircase. "i know you're there" the lady says... anna turns around to see the lady, but she didn't see her and she tripped. anna blacked out and didnt' know what happened.
next thing she sees, she's in a "savana" like place. there's bunches of yellow grass everywhere with lots of rocks. anna is leaning towards a fence with rocks as pillows. the first thing she sees is chris. nancy and matt and some other ppl are in the back. "you didn't do too well". he says something like that. anna looks at hime with no expression. just a blank stare that is unreadble. "we can't afford to be known." anna still looks at him with a blank look. but she knows what chris is tlaking about. "here" chris says handing a clear bottle/cup to anna. inside is a darkish blusish greenish liquid. anna looks shocked, as if she didn't expect chris to say that to her. "is it...?" anna starts to ask. "yeah, it's poison. drink it." he says. yep, it was true, chris just told anna to kill herself becuz she failed. "cna't i kill myself tomorrow?" she asks, tomorrow is sunday, and somehow, in a way that i dont know, but anna does, that is supposed to make it better. chris looked like he knew it was okay to do that. he didn't even really think about it, all he said was, "okay". then chris turned away and the first thing that came to anna's head was, "i got 24 hours to live my life" what's the first thing to do?" without much of a thought, anna did something that, i guess, she has always wanted to do. she reached over to chris, like running, except the distance between them wasn't far enough for running. dunno how it happened, but anna didn't even look at chris, she just kissed him. it wasn't passionate or anything. it was kinda... boring. but anna didn't seem to mind or care, maybe she was just doing it for the hell outta it. anna released, but then they went back into it again. tounge and all...
some other shit happened in the dream but that was about it. it wasn't like the dream i had of jason. i thought that was nicer. not to mention the fact that it made more sense then that. even though jason wasn't even with anyone. if you want to read about it go back to scribble. i dont remember which one it was, so look for it yourself. it has a casscode on it. the passcode is "shitty"... if that doesn't work, it's "crappy". but i'm sure it's shitty. anyway, i'm sure i dont like chris anymore. becuz the more i think of it, the more i realize how much he gets on my nerves sometimes. i think the only thing that dream was saying was that i wanted to kiss chris and i shouldn't do it the day before i'm about to die and live life to the fullest and that shit. maybe i will kiss him, but only if his friends weren't around. i dont have the guts to do it in front of them.
the thing is i took his behavior for granted, kind of. see, he was nice to me and all that shit becuz he liked me. but i started getting to know him when he liked me. so i knew him first as him acting like he liked me. but now that he doesn't i realize that he's just different now. oh well, i'm going to move on. i am better off without him, he wont even teach me shit on tenors, "i can't worry about you, becuz i have other ppl to worry about". thanks a lot for helping me out, buddy (sarcasm). arrrg. practice isn't as fun as it used to be. before chirs taught me stuff. now he is just tryign to create some kinda new shit all the time. and he tells me what to play and i get used to it and then he comes along and changes it. practice would be a lot more fun if i could learn 16. or spider... but this is just like before. in the begining of the year. where i learned everything by myself. wait a min, that's my life story. what am i talking about? i thought this was going to be fun. but now i'm just annoyed. drumline sucks. i need exctiement in my life. routine is nice and shit, but i need something fun to happen. this routine wouldn't be so bad, if it wasn't for the fact that i feel like there's somethign missing in my life and i have no idea what it is. i just feel like a big chunk of me is not missing and i dunno who to get it back and i'm so annoyed... i just want to cry. i know all this complaining sounds stupid and silly, but i guess that's just me. stupid and silly and complaing about shit. i'm so tired of this...
on the other hand at least things between me and ricky are okay now. i think i'll probably always make fun of him, but i'll never mess with his locker again. i wont prank on it. and as for all the other pranks... i dont think i wanna do that anymore either. enough of all this playing around. i need to get myself together. the only thing is... i have no idea how to do it. i think i'm lost again.