Hey Prue! Ok, I'm going to talk about yesterday... I might actually break this up into 2 entries, but I'm not sure yet, I guess we'll see, won't we?!

Well, the most recent thing is, I've decided to revive my old screenname, which is darkangelz5 so drop me a line! Ok, now I'll just get to what happened yesterday...

Well, the day, I would say, started out pretty good. I woke up fairly early, and my mom was just about to wake me up anyway. Now, my mom is the nice caring type, unlike my dad, so then she asked me, "do you want breakfast?" and I said, "no not really, I'm not hungry..." so I get dressed and then I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and she pokes her head in the door and says, "do you want some eggs?" and then I thought for a second and I nodded, "ok." So she goes and makes eggs while I brush my teeth and stuff... so then I go over to the kitchen and the eggs are on the plate. My brother is there... watching TV... so I eat the eggs and I said, we should go now... so we go, but we have to drop by Angela/Sophia's house first to tell them that I don't need that ride to school... it turns out that they were waiting for me for a few minutes! Oops.. sorry Angela and Sophia! x_x

So I get to school... and I actually had some time before the bell rang... so all was well until 3rd period... where we took that quiz... I thought I was going to do horrible, but... it turns out I got a 37/40 which was better than I expected, so yay! Hehe.

4th period was great! Mr. Allen bought us pizza just like he promised. I love it when he spoils us! Yes, that's sad but well, that's me for ya... I saved 2 slices for Nancy cause I know she would want it, no money and she's always starving ya know? Ok, so then there was that rally, which was ok, but I think it's a lot more fun if you're sitting and you're in the crowd... lunch was fine... 6th period was normal...

Then after school Angela, Sophia, Nancy and a whole bunch of other people (and I) were playing Uno. It was fun cause I got to win a few times because I'm awesome at that game. ^_- It was a lot of fun... reminds me of good times. Ok, since Angela and Sophia were in the pit, they had practice so they had to go, and everyone else in the group pretty much broke up... so we didn't play after that. Oh yeah, I called my mom to tell her that I had no transportation back home or back to school, so I had to stay at school. So she was like ok... so that's when it happened... I'm not even sure how it happened...

It was pretty much cool for the beginning, but after about 5pm, I started getting kind of down... Chris flashed me one of his old faces. It was the one where he shakes he's head no and makes this face... I don't know how to explain. I guess you have to see it in order to understand. But I don't know... after I saw that, this doubt in the back of me just somehow appeared... I think a part of me wanted to be with Chris again, yes, I know I've been having a lot of these weird thoughts back and forth. I don't know, I can't... like help it. Sometimes I think about it, and I'm so down, but other times I think of the good stuff that happened, and I'll smile. It's funny cause I really don't know what I want. Well, I know what I don't want. I don't want to get back with Chris. Yes, I miss him a lot, I do care... but not so much... and not so much as before. I miss the talking... I miss a lot about him... ...there's just a lot to miss... I guess, I mean even Gus and I are on a good level now. I guess I just want that with Chris.

Since the band was warming up and I was kinda depressed Ricky started pissing me off... so much that I just had to get outta that band room and once he was gone... I made new lyrics to the song "I'm a little teapot." The lyrics are:

I'm a big asshole ugly and gay
Here is my dick, give it a lick
When we start fucking, then you'll say,
Ew! This shit is making me gay!

On another note, I saw Alyssa wearing Chris's Slipknot sweatshirt. The same one I was wearing back at the beach party... he said he wore it afterwards because it had my smell on it. Yeah, that's Chris for ya. Well, when I saw Alyssa wearing it, I'm not sure what the first emotion was, because there's a lot of things I felt... one of them was "it's really over and done with"... but I think that there's always a chance it's not really done with, but more a part of me felt proud actually, because, I wore it first, not her. I mean, I could go up there and tell her this, but I decided to let her gloat it out, I think I understand a little of what it's like to be her, though I don't really... and well, I don't want anyone to burst her bubble, especially since I think she cares a whole lot more than I do (now, anyway), and on top of that, I don't want to come off as the jealous ex, especially since I'm not. Ok.. I am little, but not so much to be called the jealous ex... but yeah, I do care... I care a lot...

I guess I just can't believe how things have changed... I've always thought that we would've been friends till the end... but look at that, he broke a fucking promise. He promised me that we would be friends no matter what, I don't even know if we are friends, and since I'm questioning it, I doubt we are friends. Promises mean so much to me, he knows that, he doesn't make promises he can't keep, yet he broke this one... sometimes I really can't take it, like yesterday, I really couldn't take it...

During the game, at the start, before the break, I was still kinda down, and I really didn't feel like playing the bass. I really want to thank Jason right now, because I felt that yesterday, Jason was really doing me a favor... in fact in a way, he cared about me more than Chris did. I think we were playing 16, and like the basses can't play the triplets so they always cover for us... so Jason played the triplets and as he was walking down the stands, he said something like "you're not gonna play?" and I said, "well, do you want to?" and I handed him the mallets... and I think he said "you're not gonna play?" again... then he took the mallets and I just sat at the side depressed as before. In fact, Jason was probably the only one that noticed I wasn't playing and said it to me in an indirect way, but a nice way. He was really understanding yesterday, and I'm very thankful, especially since he didn't badger me about what was wrong...

The funny thing was, once he started playing 16, and I started (and he wasn't looking my direction... if he did, he didn't noticed that I was) crying... well the tears didn't come out though... it was just there, about to come down... and I was trying to keep it from happening. The thing was, I was crying cause I felt sorry for myself. I find this... so utterly annoying, because I don't like to feel sorry for myself, because that's just stupid and that's so... and I hate that, but there I was feeling sorry for myself. That is so pathetic. I should hit myself for that. I feel so low. God... sometimes I just can't take it... but the day got better... which I'll write about in the next entry, so yep, I decided to split it in half after all.

*ObsessiOn*