SaKurAZ aRtisT (11:24:42 PM): well then why are you a bad person?
SaKurAZ aRtisT (11:24:46 PM): i dont think you're a bad person
SaKurAZ aRtisT (11:25:02 PM): why do you say you are a bad person*
VirusLIVED (11:25:06 PM): i dont know, i try my best sometimes
VirusLIVED (11:25:10 PM): it doesnt work
VirusLIVED (11:25:15 PM): so i just stop tryin
VirusLIVED (11:25:26 PM): and thats when ppl forget about me

And I think that's exactly what happened. I was looking through old conversations again and this is what I found. I've been thinking about Chris since last night and I've thought about him this morning. Ever since he talked to me, I don't know what to think or say. I know it's only been one day, but I can't believe as to the fact that you wouldn't realize that I take every little thing this seriously and this fast. Yes, I do suck, thanks. I suppose it makes a lot of sense... what he said I mean. "I try my best sometimes, it doesn't work. So I stop trying, and that's when people forget about me." I guess that will be the closest answer that I can find to what happened. Well, it's almost exactly what happened, 90% at least. The only thing is, I don't know what made him give up like that. It's true, he did stop trying, though I kept going, but afterwards it felt like I was getting nowhere with him... so I guess in a way I 'forgot' about him, subconsciously anyway�Ebut in my mind, he's still there.

I had a dream last night about him again, I'd rather not talk about it because the person that was in the dream reads this and I'd rather not say anything, but this is like eating me alive... how much I miss him.

SaKurAZ aRtisT (11:18:34 PM): what i dont get now is why you hate the fact that i like you, you sound so narrow minded
SaKurAZ aRtisT (11:18:43 PM): if you dont want me to like you, just say it
VirusLIVED (11:19:25 PM): its not that, its that you would regret it if we ever were together
VirusLIVED (11:19:35 PM): i dont want to kill it for you
SaKurAZ aRtisT (11:19:41 PM): oh

I didn't know what he meant by this back then, but I think I kind of get it now, though I doubt it was in that way that he was talking about. I'm pretty sure that he didn't know how he would ruin it for me anyway; he just knew that it would. The ironic part is that I didn't even do anything wrong, it was him, and I hate to blame it on him, because it wasn't all his fault. I hate to sound like I wasn't to blame, cause I was too.

VirusLIVED (10:57:14 PM): i dont see why you like me
SaKurAZ aRtisT (10:57:21 PM): i dont see why i shouldn't like you
VirusLIVED (10:57:31 PM): im the biggest jerk on earth
VirusLIVED (10:57:35 PM): thats 1 reason
SaKurAZ aRtisT (10:57:48 PM): no you're not
SaKurAZ aRtisT (10:57:59 PM): you may thikn that, but too me, you'll always be nice guy
VirusLIVED (10:58:51 PM): why?
VirusLIVED (10:58:55 PM): are you sure?
SaKurAZ aRtisT (10:59:08 PM): cuz you are nice to me
SaKurAZ aRtisT (10:59:11 PM): yeah
VirusLIVED (10:59:35 PM): well, for some reason.....i ratehr be nice then mean to you
VirusLIVED (10:59:51 PM): **rather**
VirusLIVED (10:59:52 PM): ehhhhhh
SaKurAZ aRtisT (11:00:06 PM): well, i take advantage of that then
VirusLIVED (11:01:04 PM): i guess so

Ok, let's get this straight. So I obviously had him figured out to that point. He's only nice to people he wants to be. I mean, yeah I guess everyone does that, but he makes it real distinctive. He gives it a new meaning. I mean come on, he could go on talking shit about me and calls me a bitch right in my face, but he didn't do that. To be honest, there is no such thing as a mean guy (or girl) or nice guy (or girl). We're all mean and nice... just depends on who... I mean, I'm nice to some people but not so nice to others. Everyone's the same, but for different, various reasons. Yeah, Chris was nice to me at one time, but I guess not anymore. Yeah, that sucks. That hurts. So I won't say Chris is a nice guy or a mean guy anymore, because he is in fact, both. And so is everyone else. I will however say, you're an ass to me, or you're nice to me... but that's how it's going to go. I took advantage of his niceness, yet I didn't get enough of it apparently. You have no idea how much it hurts if I even get a peek of when Chris is flirting around with *Leader*. Sometimes, I can't stand her because of it, which really sucks, because she's such a nice person, and I see it in her, but what can I do? I said that I wanted Chris to be happy, and I do (and *Leader* for that matter), but I guess I'm starting to get annoyed because Chris never wanted that for me. I hate to sound like a bitch, but come on; I sense a little bit of spoiled-ism. Well, I know that's not how Chris would look at it. Chris would think that he has no reason to wish me happiness because we're not friends, we're not together. To him, I'm nobody. That's why. I guess, I'm just tired of being nobody. There's so many things I want to ask Chris, but I don't because I know what his responses are going to be, and they aren't straight answers... it's somewhere along the lines of "eh." I've really had enough of this, but what am I supposed to do? You make - He makes it so hard. The worst part is, I can't seem to let go of him. Like he's got to be a part of my life, like even if we aren't together. I don't get it, why can't we be friends?