But anyway, let me tell you about what happened at the Red Ribbon Rally thingy. So then on the bus ride, for the first time in awhile Chris and I were talking like we used to. The stupid nicknames have come back (fu-fu, etc.), haha. The rally was actually pretty fun. Ok, during this one part... it was really funny. This lady named Betty was in charge of the thing, so she was talking to drumline about playing like a tune, so after we're done with that, I asked her, "Can I have a red ribbon?" And she said sure and she got everyone in drumline this red ribbon sticker. So then I was talking to Vanessa about my nice sticker and then she took it from me and tried to stick it to my forhead, and in trying to do so, the sticker fell to the ground and grass got stuck on it, so it got all fucked up. So then later on, I took her sticker and it got ripped in half... (Yay! Gus is online... though for once, I wish it was Chris, because I actually wanna talk to him about something, but this is good too.) So then Vanessa got mad at me, like playing around mad, but not like angry mad. So then she ripped my ribbon, and then we started messing up the ribbons even more. Then later on, I stole Chris's and Ricky gave me his sticker after that, but then Vanessa destoryed those stickers too. I swear, the little kids were more mature than we were. The marching wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Practice was looooooooooong. It was irritating too. Well, kinda. It's such a long story, but I really do wanna remember it, so here goes... drumline was warming up, but I was looking at my part for 3rd movement. So Alicia asked if she could play the bass. So I said okay, then I played the cymbals after I was done looking at my thing so then Chris made me do 30 push ups. 20 for leaving the field when Anthony was calling me yesterday after practice, but then he called Arthur too, and he didn't give Arthur push ups. The other 10 was for not playing my bass drum. So then practice started, the first hour was pretty tense. Then during the marching, I saw a drill on the floor. So I picked it up. I don't know how well you know me, but I don't like to count on other people, I'd rather be like the leader of setting myself rather having someone do it for me, I'm pretty independent. Plus, Ricky is lazy and I know he can't set us up exactly right. He does it to the point of "close enough". That really pisses me off because this one time, I was like, "who cares?" and he said, "you should care". And that's stupid because if he really cared, then he wouldn't do "close enough". So he's a fucking hypocrit. Anyway... So I got that drill and a few moves later, when we were setting up the next form, Ricky saw me with the drill and he was like, "where did you get that?" and I said I found it on the ground. And then he said, "you're not supposed to have that". And then, he started yelling, "who's missing a drill?" And I was so fucking pissed, because Ricky can't set drill right and I could've helped. So then he said to me, "you're not supposed to have that" because no one answered his question of the missing drill. Then Chris came up to me and he was like, "let me see the drill for a second." I didn't really trust Chris cause when we did the drill for 1st movement he asked for the drill, and I had to pry it out of his hands for the drill back, but I was with him then, so I knew it would be a lot harder to get it back, so I didn't really want him to take it. Then Ricky added to his last comment, "give it to AJ". Then, I just couldn't take it anymore. I got mad because I know AJ can't read that drill. So, I screamed out, "AJ doesn't know how to do anything" or something like that. And then Chris was like, "let me see it..." and then Ricky kept picking at me, telling me to give it to AJ. Finally, I just got so mad, and since Chris was tugging at the drill chart I was holding, I let it go in this really pushy way, like, I was going to throw the drill chart down on the ground. So then Chris started walking away, figuring his thing out. Then, I don't know, I just lost it, and I like started crying, it wasn't that bad or noticible at first, but Enrique noticed, I know for sure, because he came up to me asking if I was okay, but I'm sure some other people saw me. Anyway, a little later, Chris gave me back the drill. I was really surprised. I didn't think I was gonna get it back. But that wasn't the end.
After a few more minutes, Mr. Allen gave us a break, and I forget why, but I was crying and Chris was like going after me again, he was like, "what's wrong?" (in his way, not in the "aww...what's wrong?" know what I mean?) At first I didn't really say, but then I just let it all out. I told him, I was sick and tired of the one always getting picked on. So like, I told him about today, how he made me do 30 push ups, but he didn't make Arthur or Alicia do them. Then he got Alicia over and Chris said it wasn't Alicia's fault (after talking to her) because I was the one that let her play on the bass drum. Yeah, so I guess that's my fault. And then Arthur mentioned about how he had to go to the dentist, but I know that was bullshit. And I actually said it too. So I don't know... I didn't know what to do anymore, I was just so fucking pissed off. I was gonna walk away, but Chris kept me from it. So I looked straight at him for like 10 seconds. And then I walked away. First I didn't know where to go, but then I decided to take a walk. So I took a walk along the track. And it wasn't great, because every step I took, the harder I cried, and I was muttering to myself saying, "why me?" and "why do you hate me so much?" ... About halfway across the track, I hear Chris calling me and I turn and I see him, and he says, "stop", and he's walking towards me. And I was like "what?"... And then we pretty much went like the usual when something's wrong. He stops me, makes me look at him and makes me tell him what's wrong and tells me to calm down. So, I wanted to walk some more, but you know Chris, he always gets his way. And he didn't want me walking, because he wanted me to tell him what was wrong. So I just like let everything out. I told him how annoyed I am at Ricky for not doing his job, and how you (Chris) are always picking on me. And then about how I think AJ never does anything right. Then Chris was telling me about how he has to deal with this everyday. I was a little surprised at first, I guess I've been a little selfish lately. I can't help it, things are just going really shitty.
So then anyway, Chris tells me Ricky is just like that. He's lazy and won't do shit. And Chris is usually the one that tries to fix that I guess. Chris expects too much of us sometimes. Ricky is just lazy. All in all, they all pick on me, but maybe that's cause I stand out too much... Well, anyway after talking to Chris, the break was over. So we went back to our spots and then we were setting up the next form, and I told Vanessa that she was in this spot a little bit off of where Ricky told her to be, and then Ricky got mad at me for doing that because she was out of the arch (but the only reason that was was because we're in the arch, but the arch is displaced), so he told her to move back to where she was. Then I started getting more angry and I was really trying to keep from yelling at Ricky, because I know I was right, so then I can't take it again, I'm sitting there and I'm so fucking pissed because Ricky won't listen. So feeling helpless, I started crying again. Then Chris was telling me to just relax again. Then, I heard Anthony saying, "no wonder you have so much white hair. You're always worried about nothing" or something like that... and he started singing "Hakuna Matata." I think that's really cool, because though he can't do it, at least he tried to cheer me up. Which was surprising, because I never really thought that he cared about me. Maybe I would've felt better, but I was just too angry at Ricky... then a few minutes later, Jason Blankinship comes and moves Vanessa to the exact same spot where I wanted her to be earlier. And then I just lost it, I got so angry and I yelled at Ricky saying, "SEE RICKY!!! I TOLD YOU SHE WAS OVER THERE, BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN!!!" It was more of a choked scream if anything. Then Ricky apologized. But later on I said, "don't be sorry, just do your job as a section leader." What I found funny was how AJ mocked Ricky about not setting the drill right and he kept saying, "set me, Anna" or something like that. For once, I felt that AJ wasn't against me, like I always felt, because we never really get along anyway. The rest of the practice went really well. I felt better, and not so stressed. :) I started laughing and I wasn't so uptight anymore. Chris is really starting to go back to his normal self. He's gone back to calling me with those nicknames again. I'm actually a little worried, but not that much. I just don't want to go back to him that's all. I just wanna be friends. And I am, so I hope things just stay in the flow... Well, I'll end here... oh yeah... one more thing.
I saw Tyler and Mr. Kincaid at the Red Ribbon Rally. Tyler was actually really nice to me today. Mr. Kincaid told me to visit somtimes. I really want to. :) So maybe I will really soon. I don't know when though. I miss them a lot. Well, I'll get going now, gotta wake up early for tomorrow's orchestra practice! I can't wait. It should be a lot of fun. Some days, I can really hate going to orchestra, but other days, it's a lot of fun. :) I feel so much better...
I learned a few things today. Chris still really cares about me. Anthony cares about me. I know Chris gets annoyed at drumline. Chris doesn't mean to pick on me. And a lesson I already know - Ricky doesn't do his job, but I hope he'll be a better section leader.
~fAlling...