this is the first interesting convo i had in a long time and it's not all that interesting.

da r kang el z5: hi
WingNut14bed: hey
da r kang el z5: would it bother you if i asked who your gf is?
WingNut14bed: not really
da r kang el z5: ok, who is your gf?
WingNut14bed: i think u know anyways
da r kang el z5: elisha?
WingNut14bed: yup
da r kang el z5: i thought you guys broke up?
WingNut14bed: i juss havent really told anyone that we got bak together
da r kang el z5: oh i see
da r kang el z5: when was this?
WingNut14bed: about 2 months ago
da r kang el z5: wow, that was awhile ago
WingNut14bed: i know
WingNut14bed: i juss never felt like telling people
da r kang el z5: why not?
WingNut14bed: dont know
WingNut14bed: jus one of those things i decided to do
da r kang el z5: cause annoying ppl like me would ask questions?
WingNut14bed: if someone asked me i would tell them... but not if they didnt ask
da r kang el z5: oh i see
da r kang el z5: who asked who?
WingNut14bed: i asked her
da r kang el z5: stop me if i get too nosy and i'm bothering you
WingNut14bed: i dont really mind
da r kang el z5: oh ok
da r kang el z5: you forgave her than?
WingNut14bed: yea
da r kang el z5: it's going good so far then? besides the not getting to see her much
WingNut14bed: yea... i have plenty other people to talk to and do stuff with
da r kang el z5: yeah i know
da r kang el z5: Also while in 6th period (and throughout the last couple of weeks), another of my friends were talking about how much fun they had at lunch with their boyfriend, and has mentioned that she honestly wants to marry him when she turns 18...

that's alyssa about chris, aint it?
WingNut14bed: yup
WingNut14bed: shes told me
da r kang el z5: are you close with her?
WingNut14bed: yup
da r kang el z5: i see
WingNut14bed: we actually made a pack that if things mess up for the both of us with our people that we honestly would marry each other....
da r kang el z5: lol, would you really stick to that?
WingNut14bed: yup
da r kang el z5: heh
da r kang el z5: i think that you too would be too devasted upon losing your significant other and constantly sad to truely be happy with each other
da r kang el z5: and i think that's sad cause marriage should be about love and happiness
WingNut14bed: i dont think so
WingNut14bed: i am happy w/ her
da r kang el z5: that's good thne
da r kang el z5: then*
WingNut14bed: yea
WingNut14bed: if i wasnt with elisha i would wanna be with her anyways
da r kang el z5: oh
da r kang el z5: but then 2nd person thing sucks
WingNut14bed: maybe
da r kang el z5: well maybe you don't see her taht way
WingNut14bed: ive accually questioned who i like more....
da r kang el z5: really?
WingNut14bed: yea
da r kang el z5: ?
da r kang el z5: who?
WingNut14bed: dont really know... at different times different people..
da r kang el z5: i see
WingNut14bed: i know that alyssa has thought about us being together
da r kang el z5: oh
da r kang el z5: well, do you think alyssa or elisha's personality's better?
WingNut14bed: i like how elisha is crazy like me, but i like how much me and alyssa get along
da r kang el z5: oh i see, different reasons to like different ppl, right?
WingNut14bed: yea
da r kang el z5: i see
da r kang el z5: alyssa hates me
WingNut14bed: i know
da r kang el z5: i dont know why she makes such a big deal out of it..
WingNut14bed: dont know..
da r kang el z5: do you know why exactly she's mad at me?
WingNut14bed: something about annoyance or chris... i forget....
da r kang el z5: well i know chris is one of the reasons
WingNut14bed: i forget this things pretty easily
WingNut14bed: these**
da r kang el z5: lol i can see that
WingNut14bed: yea
da r kang el z5: i tried talking to once, very early, i dont' think she hated me then
da r kang el z5: she knows i dont' have anything against her, but she's stubborn i guess
da r kang el z5: sometimes I don't think she even knows what's she's so mad about... besides chris, but then she has chris so what's the problem?
WingNut14bed: i know shes said somethings about u in english a couple of times, but i forget what about
da r kang el z5: lol haha
WingNut14bed: i know shes had some other people pissing her off and small things can get to her... so u might be doing something little and it might piss her off, even though u think its nothing
da r kang el z5: yeah i notice that
da r kang el z5: she's too serious for me
WingNut14bed: once u get to know her shes kewl
da r kang el z5: probably
WingNut14bed: when shes around me shes not serious
da r kang el z5: but i don't think that'll happen
WingNut14bed: anything can happen
da r kang el z5: i doubt it
WingNut14bed: if u say so
da r kang el z5: she's too stubborn to even consider it
da r kang el z5: with me anyway
da r kang el z5: it would take chris's convincing... but why would chris do that, esp since we don't get along too well
WingNut14bed: its juss that after she knows that she doesnt like someone she tries to stay away
WingNut14bed: sometimes she gets mad at them
da r kang el z5: <--- me, prime example
WingNut14bed: yea
da r kang el z5: oh well, i'll be here living my life, while she's out there wasting energy angry at me... whatever
da r kang el z5: i'll get going now, sleep for me
da r kang el z5: later
WingNut14bed: later

Somehow after this conversation, I'm beginning to rethink everything I've thought about her before. Well, I think she is an arrogant, lost, stubborn and hypocritical person. I forget why I think this now, but I do. I've always felt sorry for her being as she's always wanted Chris for 3 years or so but never got him. But now I'm looking at it different. I mean, Alyssa is smart (she's in my math class, that's something ain't it?), so she should have some common sense, shouldn't she? I mean, isn't it just possible that she's here because she's supposed to make Chris happy or something? Upon hearing that statement about how Alyssa's gonna marry Chris when she turns 18, it really surprised me, mostly cause she seemed so sure. That's when it hit me that 3 years of trying, it does get you somewhere. So if Alyssa does marry Chris, then it'll pay off for her. The only thing that I think sucks is that Chris doesn't deserve someone so devoted to him.

A few days ago, I definately wouldn't've said that, but I think this looking-at-her-in-another-way helps me see her differently. I'm too quick to judge and I don't give her enough credit. I just hope she's happy and finds who/what she's looking for. I guess that's weird of me to wish that upon someone who hates me, but I hope she finds more happiness (and what she's looking for) than Chris. I guess that's weird, btu that's really how I feel. With her determination, she could have anyone she wants, why she wants Chris I don't know, but then again, why I wanted Chris, I don't know either. I guess life is weird. I just keep learning all these stuff...

fuck me, trent