I've been cramming myself with things to do so that I can avoid to realize that I'm lost again. It's worked, until Chris came and woke me up. I'm lost. I admit it. I can't depend on anyone and I'm very, very lost. I've been too dependent on Chris. I felt that he left me... to rot. I can't talk to anyone anymore. I feel like nobody cares about what I have to say. I know that's not true, but the feeling I get is so much more stronger than what they really want to do. I know they care, but that's not the feeling I get from them. It's really destroying me that I have no one to talk to. Nobody. I feel lost and I don't know what to do. I'm really scared for what I'm going to become. Right now, I'm stuffing myself with everything possible to stop from discovering what's wrong. And honestly, I don't even know half of what's wrong. Well, my birthday's soon, so here's what I want. And if anyone's hearing me right now, I hope you can make it come true.

1- To stop this hatred I have for Clare. So that somehow I can be okay with her, cause right now I really don't like her and I'm really angry at her still.

2- To have someone that will listen to my problems, no "it'll be okay" or suggests like, "why don't you..." All I want is for them to say, "I agree with you." The thing with that is, that they might be lying, so you tell me how that will work.

3- To get a good feeling from Alyssa. I don't care if she doesn't like me. I just want her to be okay with me. Or even forgive me if she could.

4- To be open and honest with Nancy again, not that I'm not already honest with her, it's just that I feel like we've lost connection. But then again, I've lost connection from everyone.

5- For Chris and I to start over, really. If I could lose all feelings for Chris and just start over, I would love that, but I can't, because the anger is still there, and so is this feeling of resentment towards him. I would have to try really hard for it to work out.

6- The one I hope for most: I hope that I find myself, because feeling lost like this is destorying me, silently and slowly, but undeniably.

If anyone out there really cares... I hope that you can help me at least to have one of those wishes to come true. Because at this moment, I feel that nobody cares. It's just me right? Who cares about me...