I was talking to Chris yesterday (...again, you must be annoyed by now) and he said things that I was missing. I must say that, Chris is the only one I can turn around and turn back to. No one else.

Well, anyway, Chris taught me something and made me realize a few things about myself. I still am searching for someone. I haven't found it yet. Who am I looking for, exactly?

Well, it starts out like this. I am searching for someone. And this someone, I have expectations for him/her already and I expect him/her to be a certain way. This search to find SO (someone) is really hard, because no one has reached it... well not exactly, it's hard to explain and I wont get to that. Most people don't reach this expectation, but I don't give up very easily. Being depressive is one example.

Chris said that walking around, moping in depression is gonna get me fucked up, because people are gonna take advantage of me and make me feel bad/worse and maybe even make me cry. Chris says that 90% of the people at Gahr don't take anyone seriously.

I, on the other hand, am serious. I have a fun side true, but I need someone serious too. I've been feeling sad because well, I'm losing my bond with certain friends. Maybe... maybe that's what's supposed to happen. Maybe I'm supposed to lose bonds with them so I can open up to new people and find SO.

Chris is one of the few people who truely cares. I know this for sure, 101% because Chris is the only one that I've been able to keep going with, talk with... etc. In fact, in ways Chris may be one of the only TRUE friends I have. I know some people won't understand why I say this, but it's not something for you to comprehend. It's someone I feel is right.

There are many types of friends. There are your close friends, your best friends, your "hi" friends, etc, above all, there are TRUE friends.

A lot of people live through life not knowing what's going on around them, not me. I'm determined to live life the way it should be. I'm going to start looking for SO and I'll take everything that comes with it, because being friends with Chris made me realized that my logic of balance really works out. For all those times of annoyance and anger, there are times when I truely feel that, without Chris, I would be very lost and I wouldn't have known and live through so many things worth going through.