just to let you know, i dont really have a disease. it's just made up cuz i feel like i do have one. there's something seriously up with me. yesterday at 4pm, at that time i didn't eat anything for 46 hours. and i still wasnt hungry. by this i mean, my stomach wasn't growling, saying "eat something". but anyway, what i ate was some chex mix (mmm... i love chex mix) and popcorn (i love popcorn too). then later at around 10:15 i ate noddles and 2 ice cream bars. and that was enough to get a stomach ache. i wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, becuz i haven't ate in so long and i ate a lil bit and it hurts. almost like i'm not supposed to eat anything or something. according to the scale i lost 2 pounds, i think. and right now, i'm still not hungry.

it's not just the hunger thing, i'm also sleepy. and i guess that's my fault. i haven't been able to find my right amount of sleep. the lastest i've gone this week/ever waw 5:30am and that's pretty late for me (the sun was coming up!). i couldnt' sleep for a very long time and my dad tired to wake me up at 12 by turning up the radio all the way, but i didn't mind it so i just left it turned on like that. he went out and when he came back, he found me asleep even with that loud radio on. then he turned off the radio and yelled at me to get up but i still didnt. i still feel bad for him, becuz he keeps thinking that he has control over me, but feeling sorry doesn't get anywhere with him. okay, so sleeping habits just suck. although, yesterday i got 12 hours of sleep, i feel like shit and so not right. but i feel like that every morning i get up. first i feel dizzy then i feel lightheaded and then i feel heavy and then, ending with i feel like i'm going to clapse. but while experiencing all this, i look normal. so i dunno what's wrong with me. no sleepy, no food. those were the 2 things that made me happy, now it doesn't even give me a high.

as for the day at the movie, i didn't think i was going to talk about it, and i'm still not going to. esp now that gus is mad at me. i just dont know where me and chris stand and i refuse to bring it up, althought, i already know who's going to bring it up. but i'll pretend for now. meanwhile, someone tell me what's wrong with me? even a cold wouldn't kill me like this. nothing could make it this bad.

...jeff talked to me online yesterday. i dunno how he felt, but i acted normal around him. i wonder if he thought i was trying too hard to be normal. i hope not, becuz i was normal. although, he made me realized that i cussed a lot more than i used to, hmm. i think that's an improvment. (weird, "stellar" by incubus is on, i've never heard it on the radio, "how do you do it? make me feel like i do?" *sighs*) i wonder what jeff thinks of me now. i'm just curious. although, i've been thinking about talking to him, now i know what my answer is, althought, it's not the fact that i can't stand it becuz he still breaks my heart, cuz it's not like that, it's just this. i can't stand him anymore. i never realized how someone with his persontaliy bothered me so much. the way he describes things is just so... blah. i dunno how anyone could live with the way he talks either. (incubus song is over) not that there's anythign wrong with the accent. it's just the words he use and everythign i can't stand it. i dont think he reads this, so i can talk shit about him lol. i'm jk. it's not like that. maybe he just pretends not to read this... oh well. i ain't gonna lie. i dont lie here. so dont expect me too. anyway, i gotta go take a shower, before i feel any more shitty then i do right now. bye

*~AnNa