anyway... yesterday, i was riding my bike to go help out my dad... i was caughing and choking and i felt nasuaded... but i survived. anyway, on the way back, a tohught popped into my head. dont ask how it came back, but it was the time when i was in 7th grade.
i was crying in the kitchen sitting on a chair, i dont remember why. tears were streaming down and i remembered that i was partly crying becuz of sympathy. i think i wanted something that he wont give me... or something like that. i know i was trying to gain sympathy though. so that's partly why i was crying. he asked me what was wrong though and i remember i didnt' give him a strait answer, becuz i knew that he already knew why i was crying. then he just went back to doing wathever he was doing and i was just there sniffing. then my mom came home and she was like what's wrong? and my dad answered and said, "she's trying to gain sympathy by crying". well that's not quite what he said. that's exaggerated, it was more like, "i dunno, she's unhappy about blah blah balh... so she's trying to get sympathy". then it struct me. the thing is this: he's not dumb. he knows what i wanted. the thing was he didn't give it to me. so i wasted it crying (well, half wasted, i was only half pretending).
anyway, the main thing was that he doesn't give me sympathy. and i am a lot like him in that sense. i guess it had a lil to do with jason saying that i'm not caring. which is true, i guess i'm not all that caring at times. i guess sometimes, i dunno how to sympathize, but i hope i wont be as cruel as my dad was. i haven't cried in front of him since. and i dont think i ever will...