I am actually getting tired of this layout of NIN. I think it's time to change it. I just don't know when i'll get the chance. life has mostly been back to normal for the most part. i mean, sure new ppl are in my life, but with these new ppl in my life, things are normal. i dunno what's really been on my mind lately. i guess nothing ever stays in one piece... although, i guess one of my concerns right now is that me and jason are kinda drifting. i'm sad about that. today, while i saw him walking past by during lunch, i had this thought... or feeling... or instincitive that by the time we are seniors we wont even talk anymore. and really, that saddens me. i know that me and jason have never really been that close or gotten to know each other that well. but sometimes i wish i was a good friend to him... or maybe the right words are i wish i was a better friend to him, but i just dont know how. i get the feeling that i bug the hell outta him or something before when i tried to talk to him. i dunno what it is or how to explain it.

today, while me, my dad and nancy were in my dad's car, something happened. my dad was sending nancy home first so the most convinient way to send her home is the route on artesia all the way to like near norwalk, but not quite. it's really close to faye ross. anyway, i didn't see what happened, cause i wasn't paying attention. i heard my dad yell out something liek "shit" and then i was looking around to see what happened. i looked starit ahead, and i saw this guy maybe like 17 on this scooter who was almost done crossing the street, but he was going to slow for it to be considered normal. so then i looked around and then next thing you know i see this guy lying there, he tired to get up, but it didn't work to well and he lay back down on the street. and i mean, right in the middle of it. then i saw the other guy. they were both about 17 also. but the first guy was more severly hit. i saw blood on his forehead, and he coudln't even get up. he was kind of wailing in pain, you can see it by his expression, but i didn't hear anything. he was hit with like this blue ford truck. i was just like fuck! that was the first accident i saw in my life. the front of the truck was fucked up too. it looked like it came from a car accident rather than like a person hitting it. there were 2 scooters stuck on the bottom of the truck, i figure it was those guys. the second guy i thought kinda lucked out. cuz it was pretty guy for the first guy. and that one person who crossed the street safetly, he must've been really guilty. i dont know what happened, but i just know it was bad. made me realize though, just how unpredictable things could be and when you think about it, the whole thing is pretty crazy, dont you think? i just thought, what if that was me? or nancy or matt? chris or jason? andre or andrea...? i mean, that guy wasn't dead, but he was really lucky. i mean we may all not be that lucky, and i'm actually really happy it wasn't me. the guy was hurt so bad... and i dunno how i could live if it was one of my friends that was hit instead of that guy... sometimes, i wonder what i'm always complaining about... i'm just being stupid, like i always am... i guess i just want to say how much i care for you guys and i dunno what i would do without you and i want to say sorry for anything i did wrong and most importantly - i love you guys so so much! i'm going to apologize to zuri.

*~AnNa