Zuri sent me a letter saying that we should end our friendship. okay, i know she doesn't want to be friends and i'm not going to go chase after her. i'll just write down the whole truth. and here is the truth. she was right about the whole thing with me not wanting to be friends. well, actually, in 8th grade i really liked her and i thought she was one of my good friends. but when we went to gahr just that some things changed. well actually, i think i changed and that i see things all too differently. but anyway, it's weird becuase after i noticed the ppl around me like zuri, some ppl really started to bug, but depsite it i just let it go... the funny thing is now that she wants to stop being friends i'm actually kind of hurt. not exactly in the sense you are probably thinking. i'm not sure how to explain it. well, anyway, i can't do anything about it. i'm just glad i didn't have to make any decisions. we haven't been that close anymore and i guess this is for the best...
lately some funny things have been going on. i feel like a piece of me is gone off somewhere, but i'm just not sure where. like a part of me is missing. here's a funny/annoying thing that happened. i lost jason's Saving Priviate Ryan film and i didn't even get to watch it. what i dont get is where it went. i asked my brother if he took anything from my room and he said no. i asked my dad if he saw the video and he said no. i'm positive i didn't bring it out of my room so i searched everywhere for it and i still can't find it... so it's just like WTF? so, now i'm going to buy jason a new one. i feel so bad. :( i'm never borrowing jason's stuff again. it's bad enough that i lost his mallets in the beginning of the year... but jeez! i'm never going near jason's stuff. it's bad luck. plus, he'll appreciate that too. he doesn't need me to go through his stuff.
my mom comes back tomorrow and last time we talked was this morning. before that was saturday and she got really mad at me because my dad tattled on me saying how i wasn't there to help him out becuz i was late and i went to all these places and had fun and etc while my dad needed me. so my mom yelled at me that saturday and i was feeling really bad... i APOLOGIZED to my dad monday morning before i went to school. it was simple but i haven't apologized in a long time. i can't even remembered the last time i apologized to him actually. for some reason i've never been good at apologizing to my parents, i'm not sure about other ppl. some reason, i always freeze and it's like i can't say anything. but anyway, my mom called me at like 6:30 this morning wanted to talk to my dad. she said it was urgent and she sounded like her normal self. i mean, like she wasn't mad you know? so i sent the phone to my dad... i'm not sure if my mom is still mad at me. but on the bright side, i think my mom will be asleep when i get home becuz of the differnet sleeping habit and so forth. i dunno what really to expect. i'm not even sure what i want from her. i know i wasn't being repsonsible or the good girl she wanted me to be. i know that for sure. i really shouldn't've ditched my dad like that and i'll take responsiblity for that, but right now what i can't take from her is how she's always saying i gotta be home right away and stuff. how she's always trying to control my life. and how i shuoldn't be out that late... and etc. i'm so tired of it. i mean, i'm a good student, i do things right... i get good grades. i just want some fun! is that so much to ask for? i dunno... i can't wait for my permit. maybe things will be different then. i hope so. i dont like the way things are... we're both near the edge and it's not too long before one of us falls over. i just don't know who. i want this thing over with it... i wish my mom was here so i could talk this out and finish up this whole thing. i need to straiten out everything and i'm beginning to get really annoyed with everything. i just need this week to be all over. then i can finally smile. if you know what i mean...
*~AnNa