I've never told my story to anyone, expect to those that already knew about it before hand. I guess the reason I've never told anyone is because they'd never believe me, or maybe they'd think I'm crazy. I wouldn't be surprised either way. At one point, I was normal... and I guess in a way, healthy. I was 16 when it happened. I had just barely gotten used to family life. Like I told Dan, my mom died when I was seven. She died of lung cancer and that was because my dad smoked. He didn't always smoke... I believe that he didn't start until I was born a few months later. He said to me once that he started smoking because he and mom were having trouble and my crying drove him over the edge. I'd like to believe that's not true and I've tried to forget about it as much as I could, but I always remembered what he said... I guess I don�ft really believe him because I eventually learn that it was his own fault he started smoking. It wasn't hard to hate him for blaming me for mom's death, because he wasn't a dad to me anymore after that.
     I realize that he wasn't even a dad to me previously, but it wasn't that bad, but after what happened... he just went out of it. He stopped smoking, but started drinking a few weeks later. I had to start taking care of myself. I took money from him when he wasn't home and avoided him when he was home. When he died three years later, I wasn't surprised. The weeks before he died, you could already see life leaving his eyes. I knew it was coming, and right before it happened, he talked to me. He apologized. I didn't say anything, I walked away. I just couldn't take the fact that my dad would ever apologize.
     After that, child services took me in and sent me to my Aunt. My mom was an only child and her father had died of arthritis and her mom of leukemia. My dad however had his older sister, and I was sent to live with her. Aunt Ivy. She was really nice, but she'd been in a lot of bad divorces. She had two kids from her first failed marriage, actually they're twins: Erin and Erik, they were nine at the time. After the first failed marriage, she remarried to a guy name Robert. According to Aunt Ivy, he became really abusive and she left him. They had one child named Elliot. Unfortunately, when they filed a divorce, Elliot ended up with Robert. He had a good lawyer I guess. I never asked. Well, then came Jack. Jack was a nice guy I suppose, but I guess they weren't compatible, because all they ever did was fight. They were engaged, but they ended the relationship before they were married. A child wasn't involved and they left each other.
     I came a month or so into Aunt Ivy's house before Jack left. I was pretty sad that Jack was going to leave, because I knew he was a good guy, but the fighting got pretty bad. After Jack left, John came. John hated me at first sight. I guess it could've been because I was only ten at the time. I still needed to be raised, you know, but not Erin and Erik. They were sixteen, near seventeen, by the time John came into our lives. Aunt Ivy was blind though. She never saw that John hated me and if she did, she chose not to believe it. I guess Aunt Ivy cared about me enough, she just never saw it. I guess it wasn't so bad the first five years. John was too distracted by other things to care about me. They were married within a year, and they had a girl a few months later. They named her Lily. I really liked Lily and I talked to her often, even though she didn't understand what I said. After about three months, Aunt Ivy said that I shouldn't be near the baby because I couldn't handle her. I knew that she only said that because John told her to. Aunt Ivy trusted me, I knew that. I was starting to get really angry. A year later, another one came; they named him John, jr., I couldn't stand it at the time because John still didn't trust me with Lily and John, jr. irritated me. I don't know whether it was because he was named John or because he was just an annoying baby. Another two years later, Aunt Ivy had twins again. They named them Holly and Michelle. By now, things were awful for me.
     Erin was the only one I could really talk to and she was off at college. I couldn't call her because John would only allow me to use the phone for an hour a day. Erik was working full time to save up for college and didn't have any time for me on his schedule, but it didn't matter because Erik and I weren't that close. At the time Aunt Ivy and John were focusing most of their time on John, jr. because he was learning how to speak and walk. He was really late, but I thought this quite funny because John, jr. represented John to me, but they didn't notice this of course.
     Lily had been neglected a lot during this time and I started to look after her, whenever I could of course, because John was still uptight. It was like he thought I was poison or something. John was obsessed over John, jr., so Aunt Ivy had to take care of Holly and Michelle. I thought the twins were particularly adorable. Aunt Ivy would allow me to take care of them now and then. It was around that time that Aunt Ivy confessed that she felt that John had deceived her. She said that she felt that John only wanted her for little John. I didn't say anything. I guess I didn't know what to say. That was the first time I saw her cry.
     John was getting fed up as much as I was. John, jr. was no longer satisfying him. I suspected he was cheating on Aunt Ivy around that time, but I never said anything because I didn't have the proof and even if I did, I don't think I could muster the courage and say so. It was around the time I was sixteen that my story truly starts.

other chapters