Where the heck has Keni been? She hasn't been online all day!! What the heck?! I'll go check her diary later... maybe leave a message on her guestbook.
I felt kind of depressed on my way back from helping my mom. I always feel depressed, driving in my car, alone. I don't know why, and especially when a sad song comes along, I realize things that I already know and don't want to deal with. I think about things that I wouldn't normally think about. I mean, it's not a bad thing to think about things I wouldn't always think about, but it kind of worries me because I'm kind of daydreaming away. Not only is that bad cause I'm driving, it's also bad because it's not real. I shouldn't be off daydreaming, but I can't seem to help it. Whenever I'm driving, I feel like I'm a different person, living another part of my life. I keep thinking about the changes and for some reason I can't let it go. I know that all the changes I've gone through aren't bad, some of them are really good and rewarding... but driving home today... I noticed that they were doing some road construction. They were adding those thing, like a bump/small sidewalk thing in the middle of the street that separates traffic. Before it was one of those bold black lines with yellow on both side. Sorry, I'm not good at explaining this. Well, I got really pissed off because it was fine how it was! I liked how it was! It was easier to make left turns into traffic. Not only that, they turned one of the going straight lanes into a turn left lane, so now there is 2 left turn, 1 straight, and 1 right, and at the time I was passing this intersection. NO ONE WAS TURNING LEFT! So I just thought, why are you making an extra lane for left turns if no one is even turning left?! Sometimes I think that these road construction people have nothing better to do. But all these changes just led me to think more about changes and it just pains me so much sometimes to think about it. All I could think about was thinking about times when I was younger and not so wise or understanding, when I didn't give a shit about anything. Now, all I seem to do is care about everything and miss everything that's gone. No matter how hard I try to move on, I keep reminiscing. I feel peaceful yes, but I can't stop remembering.