I've always been bad at expressing my anger, because I've always kept it inside. I've always tried to express it better, but I can't seem to. For one thing, it's not in my nature to get angry at things, because my usual reactions aren't anger. They're usually sadness. I'm not the type to get angry. If someone did something bad to me, I wouldn't think, "how could you?!" in the angry way, but in the sad, mournful way. I don't know why I've never really had angry outbreaks. It's simply not in my nature.

I guess maybe after all these years, my anger has really built up and reached a high point. I'm a really angry person. I'm really full of anger. There's certain people I'll look at or think of and I'd just want them to disappear. There's always one reason or another why I think this. Mind you, I don't have anger for no good reason.

I'm mad at a number of people, but I deal with it very badly. This anger is so consuming that sometimes I can't really take it. The anger feeds me and I've become consumed in it. It seems that all I am is anger now. There are so little people I think of and wouldn't think I disliked them. And one of the worst part about is that, no ones knows. I've never been good at controling my anger and I know that once it's out, it's going to stay out, and it'll get ugly.

What's Your Mood?

I thought about what Chris said to me a long time ago, when my anger was still building. He said that I'd always thought that the world is against me. It's true, sometimes I can't help but think that the world is against me. Sometimes I wonder why people don't get what's coming to them and why I seem to get punished more than other people. I guess in a way, I'm just too much for this world, or maybe they're too much for me. I don't know which way it is, but sometimes I get so tired of being the nice person. Sometimes, I just want to punch the dumbasses that I really hate and can't stand.

The worst about this whole thing is that, the anger they cause me is from the anger I have from myself. For example if someone insults me, I don't get angry because they insulted me, I get angry because I let the insult get to me. I'm so pathetic sometimes that I can't stand it and I wish this anger would go away before I get out of control.