Well, today didn't go too well... but it was alright. During 4th period Mr. Allen said, "Anna, sit up, that's why you always play so lousy" or something along the lines of that while we were playing today. I was already feeling like crap as it is, and after I heard that I had to blink back tears, and at that moment I knew that today was the day that I was going to break down and lose it.
It happened during lunch. The band room got really noisy, as I stood there playing the vibes (xylophone type instrument). AJ pissed me off with the rope thing (the latest prank/joke going around drumline). And as the bell rang, I just felt like I was frozen in time while the other people in the room sped 10 times faster. And as I walked out the band room, Enrique asked me what was wrong.
So, then it happened, my complaints about certain people and how things were and how I was angry and all the while, I let the tears come down. I had even saw Tim crying today during lunch because Mr. Allen had yelled at him because he couldn't play to the tempo he directed. He's working us way too hard. Tim never cries! He's the most hard working guy I know. He's considerate, nice and kind and never thinks bad of anyone. He's barely lost his innocence. You don't just go off and make a guy like that cry, okay? Mr. Allen has been getting to me for the longest time. I just got so angry after I found out that he made Tim cry... Of all people...
Anyway, I stopped crying by the time the lab started in chemistry. I felt much better at the relief of my release. I felt lighter than I had for awhile, and I had a lot of fun doing the lab.
I'm going to be going to the banquet tonight. Yes, it's here already. I can still recall what it was like last year, and I thought that it was a pretty fun day. One of the better ones of that year. I can only hope that this year, I will be able to manage my anger for tonight. Maybe sometime will happen, something will be said that will make me forget my anger... like on Open House during my 8th grade, maybe I will get an award and feel that Mr. Allen does realize I exist... Enrique says that I deserve an award more than the Reyes' because I've been trying, but I guess it depends on which Reyes'. All I know is that I hope I will have a happy night for the first time this month, otherwise I might just lose it. Well, I need to go get ready.
I'll tell you what happens tomorrow.