Okay, I guess I was a little over the edge yesterday with all the stuff I said, but since I've stopped thinking about it, I've felt much better. I guess I'll deal with that crap next year, because band camp doesn't start until August, which is near next year. Plus, what does it really matter? I'm in pit, it's not like I march. Drum majors usually leave pit alone. Pit is a group of people that play xylophone type instruments. Then there's drumline. I doubt the drum major will talk to drumline much either, but since she is kind of friends with Chris... and he's like the leader of drumline... well, there you go. You can probably figure out the rest. I wonder if Chris is going to be the official drum major next year.

Anyway... enough about that. I finished all my homework, except extra credit, but I'll do that later. Here's the horrible crap I had to do this weekend for homework:

-read the rest of "Rules Of the Game" in Joy Luck Club
-worksheet for comprehension of that chapter
-start and finish the book The Pearl (only 90 pages long!)
-2 sections worth of math homework
-5 lab questions, including ones that take thinking and lots of confusion
-long chemistry homework
-extra credit for history to bring up my grade

I still haven't finished what I wanted to do though. For example, I didn't finish the extra credit, nor have I finished reading about the St. Clair Family in Joy Luck Club.

I was surprised because I was able to tell Enrique things that I've never told anyone before. I'd at least think that it would be Mike or something, but I don't know why... all of a sudden, I felt that he's the only there in the world that could see me for who I am, and I could finally reveal things to him that I couldn't to most people, not even Nancy and some things about a certain person that I never told anyone before, but I made Enrique promise not to tell anyone about what I said and he did and I trust him.

I watched Passions today, and Charity and Miguel are back together! Yay!

I'll try to write another chapter tonight, but I'll see if I have time. No promises.

I think with the end of May, I'm a lot happier. Things are going better and I've never felt more free than I have in the past few weeks, even if I am still angry at Mike. I still haven't called him, for the fear that I might explode at the sound of his voice.

I've noticed that I come off in people's view as egotistic sometimes, but I don't mean too. I don't think I'm egotistic in any way, because I don't have much confidence as I may look or say I do. I know that I have to be strong, so I just try my best to pretend. I don't like myself much, but I guess I've accepted who I am and I do like certain parts about myself. I'm okay... that's all... just okay.