The band room was open during lunch, even though he said he would close it for the rest of the year. I knew it would be open. Mr. Allen is just a liar like that.
I got a bunch of people to sign my yearbook, but I haven't read most of it. It wouldn't really matter anyway, no matter what they'll say, it'll either make me sad or make me jealous and disappointed. I was a little angry when Jason signed my yearbook and said that he was almost about to call me Nancy because we're so alike or something like that. All I could think was, "we're nothing alike. NOTHING." I got so pissed. I can't believe Jason said that... but then again, he doesn't know me very well, or Nancy, so I guess he's forgiven.
I can't seem to stop comparing myself to Nancy. I can't stand who I've become. I don't think Nancy reads my diary anymore, but that's only because I didn't see her link me on her new template that she made. It's a really nice layout, I'll admit, but I got pissed off because she got the blue pretty transparent background in the text area from me (not the picture). And if not that, she stole the style crap from me. I mean look at it and compare it with her's No one writes: A:link{color: etc... it's always something like: A: link { or A:link {. What am I supposed to believe that it was a coincidence, especially since she knew me?! Pish. I'm waiting for Nate to give me that code thing, so no one will ever steal my codes. I always hated people who had those, but I'm getting too pissed off to care. No one is stealing my codes, not to mention taking it and not even giving me credit for it!
I dislike the way things are. Everything feels wrong, I can't even put my finger on it. Overall, today was an alright day. There's only 6 more days of school. I'm really scared, I don't know what I'm going to do after this school year is over. A lot of people online have been saying that it'll be okay and I should just go make new friends. I understand that, but I could never forget what I've been through.
Sometimes all I can think about is all the crap I've been through, and I begin to wonder if I really deserve it. Why doesn't the people that deserve it get any pain? I'm so tired of suffering. Every time I look at Nancy... She has one of those faces that just makes her seem innocent, but you can tell in her eyes that she knows more than anyone will ever realize. I want to confront her about it, but I can't, every time I look at her, I get so consumed with anger, that I can't stand it. I have to refrain from looking at her, because every time I do, I just want to scream in her face, "WHY WON'T YOU APOLOGIZE?" I REALLY don't like it when people doesn't give me what I need or is trying to get, and I end up having to say it clear and out loud. Can't people give me an apology without saying I need one? Even when I hinted that I wanted an apology, it seems that she's too dumb to give it to me. Unless she's that evil that she doesn't want to apologize.
I read one of her surveys, the one titled, "haveyouever". And question 8 said:
8. Have you ever intentionally said something to him/her which you knew would hurt them?
And her answer was:
I would never do that
I don't know anymore. I just want an apology. One from her heart and one from her without me having to spell it out that I need one. Isn't it obvious by now? Every time I look at her, sense her, hear her voice, see her in my head, think of her, I get angry, hurt, sad, and I just wanna punch her in the face. She takes me to an emotional rollercoaster that I don't even deserve. I'm so sick and tired of this. I just hope that I wont look back one day and think that I should've done something, 'cause I'm so sick and tired of doing something. Can't I just sit back and do nothing for once?