I'm not sure if it's because I'm lonely or if I really want him back. And I don't even know what to say to him, I need to be sure. I don't want to end up in pain again, and I don't want to put him through it either, but I love him so much... and I miss him so much. I'm not sure why... maybe it's because I forced myself to stop thinking of him, and now it's coming back haunt me...
I spent the last few days weeks months I was with him in hell, because I was trying really hard to make it work. I've never really... missed him the one and half month after that, because I forced myself not to think about it. Then, I met Chris, and then I guess... there wasn't really a need to really make myself "forget" Jeff.
I don't know why it's coming now, but I can't stop thinking about him. It's been about 3 days, and I'm constantly thinking about what he's doing, who he's talking to. Then, I start thinking about what would've been. One thought keeps coming back to me and that was, "I look forward to having you as my wife one day." It makes me so sad! I can't stand it. I keep thinking...
I know it's not too late, but I'm wondering if it's too early... It was about exactly 2 years ago now that I first fell in love with him. I keep thinking about Utada Hikaru's "First Love" and Lifehouse's "Breathing". I can't listen to them because it would make me too sad.
I haven't spoken to him in about 2 weeks... *sigh* Where are you? Do you think it would work? Do you even know how I feel? What are you doing right now? What would happen if we did get back together? And then we broke up again? How can I live through a pain like that again? How can either of us?
Things are so different now though... I just... I miss you...
I was blind
But oh, how you could see
You saw the beauty in everything,
everything and me
I would cry
And you would smile
You'd stay with me a little while
Sweet misery you cause me
That's what you called me
Sweet misery you cause me