Since the whole thing with Nancy... I... Well, I wasn't too sure how things were going to be for one thing. I think about her, almost daily, and I wonder a lot... it's weird but I think that I feel as if she was my lover or something, as if something good happening to her would make me jealous or angry.

It's just spite though. Sometimes, I look at her or think about her, and the only thought, the only feeling that I could ever think or feel is How can you still be like that? It's as if nothing happened to her.

I heard once from David that she was crying when we were first beginning to have problems and kind of fighting. Sometimes I wonder if she was really crying or if David made that up. And if she was crying, I do wonder if she was crying over the fact that we were fighting or if she couldn't get horny. Yeah, I'm sure you're thinking, what are you suggesting? But I'll leave it up to you to decided, but whatever you imagine, well, it's probably not as bad as you make it out to be. Yeah, I'm an evil little person aren't I?

It's about time that I am evil. I get so sick and tired of being such a nice person when I don't get it back. I've been everything to her. I've given her so much stuff, and I've been there for her. I've listened to her problems and helped her deal with stuff between her and Ricky and... I've always kept her promises. I was the best friend that she never deserved.

I'm still not sure how the whole thing happened. I always thought that if something this big were to happen, I would know why it happened and I wouldn't forget. I think that... I guess mainly, she never cared. Everything I did for her, she never cared, at least she never showed that she did. Besides that, she always took me for granted. I hardly ever heard her say thank you, except that Christmas card I got last, last year. Our friendship slowly broke up this year.

She and I are so different though, she's evil. You won't believe me, but she is. I'm not sure how so, but there is something negative about her. I guess she's one of those people that will do anything to get what they want, and if you're in the way, then they push you away, and if you can temporarily help them, they make sure you do.

What I'd always wanted was an apology, but she never gave me one. I'm sorry for taking you for granted. I'm sorry for never thanking you. I'm sorry I caused you any pain at all. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better friend. I'm sorry. But I know now that I wouldn't want an apology. An apology from her is nothing. She doesn't know what an apology is. It's just two random words put together.

I thought once that silence was so much worse than an angry response, but now I think that it's the best thing she's ever given me. I can live on, knowing that I never made the mistake of forgiving her.

I said to her once, that I was wiser and smarter than her, but now that I learned my lesson, I am wise enough to know that the wise man never tells just how wise one is. Honestly, I don't think I'm wiser, but I know one thing. I'm nicer than you, I'm kinder than you, I know how to love, and I know how to give. I know what friendship is and how to give it. I know how to be a friend, and now I know what a true friend is, so maybe I'm not wiser than you, but at I know how to love, and I think that's greater than any knowledge you could ever aquire.

Just know one thing, if I didn't believe in karma, and was stupid, and just that evil, you'd be getting raped by all the guys I've hired. But you're lucky that I do believe in karma and am not that stupid and will never be evil to that extent (because I don't believe rape should be inflicted on anyone because of any reason) otherwise you'd be near to wanting to jump off a bridge by now. And that is not even close to the hatred I have inside sometimes.

I do not wish you luck, I will not pray for you. You don't deserve any of it.

I used to believe that Chris was evil, but I was wrong, Chris is nearly an angel compared to you. Chris is exactly as he is inside and out. He warns you by apperance, and by words that he will and can do anything to you. Chris is like candy. Candy tastes good, but it's also bad for you, but you know it. No, your apperance would never show what kind of devious actions you can cause. And I know the lot of people reading this will think I'm crazy or I have it all wrong or I'm nuts, and if you think that, I don't care. You don't know what I've been through, in short, it's you who is crazy, because you couldn't have an open mind.

Anyway, good luck to Chris. I know that he can be good if he wanted to, but Nancy... She's like roaches in your house. You want to get rid of them.

I can only hope that you will never know all the pain that you've caused me, because I don't think you can handle this kind of pain. Nor do I want you to wake up one day and think, "I'm so sorry" especially if it is from the bottom of your heart, because maybe I'd have the urge to forgive you, and frankly, I don't want to. I don't. You gave me the type of life, that I'd always wanted to avoid.

I don't think you remember the time where you kissed the guy I liked, not to mention that you got farther with him that night than I ever did, even after I dated him. I don't think you remembered that I forgave you about it within a few days, if not hours, and you weren't even planning on telling me. I don't think you would've if it wasn't for him. And you've never flat out said I'm sorry. Oh, I could see it, that you felt bad, despite the fact that you admitted that you didn't feel as guilty as you thought you would... and the worst of it is, that a few months later, you promised me it'll never happen again. You know why it won't happen again? Because that oppurtunity will never come up, not because you truely have the self will to make sure it doesn't. Oh wait, I think you've forgotten everything I've done for you.

It's sad really, because David is still waiting for a "Thank You" that he'll never receive from you.

I never understood how some people could be so cruel, but now I do. Thank you for that lesson, I'll be more careful now.