We went to the beach yesterday, I guess that was fun. Since I've gotten here I've read 3 books. Yeah, it's gotten kind of boring. I could get used to living here I guess. I got nails done, so it's really hard to type with these long fake nails. Oh well. I'll probably get rid of them when I got back home, being as I have to play piano and all.
I had a dream a few days ago. It was probably the best and saddest dream I've had in a really long time. I dreamt that I met a guy, an asian guy. I'm assuming Chinese. I don't remember what he looked like at all. He was really shy and kept hiding his face from me and when I did see his face, it seemed to me that I don't remember what it looked like. I know we were dating because he kept telling me how much he was glad we were together. I remember being in a car, me being in the backseat and him in the front. I remember that when the car stopped, he came out of the front to sit next to me in the back and he had his arms around me really tight and he said, "I was afraid you wouldn't like me when we first met, because I already knew that I liked you and I wanted to be with you." Or something close to that. My response was something like, "don't be silly, of course I liked you." And then as weird as it was, I had a flashback of the day we met. It was in a shop, that's all I really know.
It felt so good because I was loved and I loved this guy back and it felt so real. I wouldn't let myself accept that it was a dream. Every time my family and I went out, I'd look around and see if a guy was familiar to me. As if this person would be the guy from my dream.
The night after that dream. I felt so lonely. As if I'd just lost someone I'd really loved. And I thought about it even more and Jeff came to my thoughts very suddenly. It felt more like a jolt as if something hit me. I started thinking of certain songs that we liked. One of the first ones was "Distance" by Utada Hikaru. I've thought about this song even more the last time I couldn't stop thinking about him. I tried to find a translation of this song, but I couldn't find it. I did find one for "Final Distance" and the lyrics were quite as I thought they would be as I recognized a few phrases (I couldn't believe it either).
I really wanted to listen to that song at that moment, but I didn't bring the CD. The only ones I brought was Michelle Branch - Hotel Paper and The Spirit Room and Lifehouse's No Name Face. I have no idea why I brought No Name Face because I don't listen to it that much. Maybe some inner part of me knew I'd want to listen to it, but whatever the case, I guess I just knew.
I just lay there wondering about ... well I'm not sure what I was even wondering about. I was lying there too intently listenting to "Hanging by a moment." All these memories came flooding back and now I just don't know anymore.
Maybe one day when I look back I'll just say pssh like it was no big deal, but right now, it is a big deal. I really miss him and I shouldn't because I want him only because I'm lonely, because I want someone to love, but I shouldn't because I know the moment I find someone who I like in America, I'm going to be in a position that's all to familiar. And I don't want to cause him pain or myself pain, so I guess loneliness is all I can have.
But he had a dream about me too, and that makes me a little suspicious.
I also had more dreams last night.
The first one freaked me out. I guess it was a nightmare. I had a dream that I was using the computer and it wouldn't let me go online and then this freaky window popped up and it made these noises that was really scary to me. I also remember playing tetris and there were ghosts in the game (that makes no sense!). But I couldn't get rid of the pop ups because when I closed them they reappeared. It really freaked me out for some reason. I'm guessing mostly because of the sounds they made.
The second dream was just weird. I had a dream that Nancy gave birth to Ricky's child. I don't understand that because I haven't thought about Nancy in awhile. Maybe the dream was trying to warn me about something. I think the baby was a boy and it was really chubby. Nancy looked the same, skinny as ever and it almost made me doubt that she gave birth at all. I didn't see it happen anyway.
I don't understand what any of this means...