All day today, all I could think was, "I don't belong in high school. I am so ready to get out of here." I guess I think this because people at school don't really give that much of a crap about me, so it's a lot like college, and the classes seem to be taught in that college way, so that's another reason I should be at college. I guess most of this is because I'm antisocial.

I didn't always used to be this way. I was pretty outgoing and just basically happy. I wonder if I could ever go back to that.

Right now, I'm so ready to get out of here, I'm sick of this place, I'm sick of school and home. I'm sick of everybody. Nothing cheers me up anymore. Absolutely nothing. I just want to be left alone, because I'm so sick of the pain, and the fakeness. I forget what's real and when I hear comments like, "I'll be there for you" I hate myself for falling for that, because when it comes to it, I'm never gonna say that I need you to be there for me, and they're never gonna see it. I'm just so sick of everything.

Nothing is going right. Not only is my mind torn apart, so is my heart. There's a part of me, in my heart that is so ready to accept and forget and forgive. It just wants to be at peace. It wants someone to love and to care for. It wants to reach out and touch someone's life. It wants to make a difference, but another part won't, because of what I know. I'm tired of it hurting. I'm tired of the fakeness. I'm tired of pretending. So it's tearing me apart. Am I suppose to live on the way I am and hope that someone reaches me in time? I am a super huge softie and I'm so ready to love someone within seconds, yet I'm trying my hardest to keep away from it all. I don't really need any of this.

Everyone's up and left me or betrayed me or have forgotten about me. Nancy - "betrayed" me. Chris - doesn't care about me anymore. Mike - left me. Enrique - left me. And the only special case is Jeff, he just can't be with me, which doesn't make me feel any better. All these people that I was once really close with, they're all gone. And they expect me to be okay with this, as if it was no big deal... It is a big deal. I depended on you, and you let me down! Although in Mike and Enrique's case it wasn't really their fault... I'm just so sick of it. I'm sick of the lies, the tearful goodbyes, and they never try. They say they do, but it doesn't happen. Maybe it was because I tried too hard. I don't know.

But now I am just so ready to let it go. I'm not close to anyone anymore, and maybe being close with anyone is just not an option for me. They either backstab me or leave me. So you'll have to excuse me if I don't feel like opening up to you...

The only people I can ever talk to are people online. I don't know, maybe it's cause they judged me by my screenname and not by my face. Whatever it is, I like it a whole lot more. I can actually have a real, intelligent conversation sometimes.

Oh, and did I mention? I'm sick. I have a cold. My throat hurts.