I'm tired of getting my hopes up, only to have my heart get hurt again. I'm tired of opening up, but my heart won't listen. Why can't the heart cooperate with the mind? I just want so badly to harden my heart. I don't want to expect anything. I don't to feel this readiness to love anybody. I just want it to harden. I'm tired of loving anyone.
And I hate my heart, it won't listent to me. I scream at it to watch out, but it just mocks me as if it likes getting hurt, as if my heart wants to see me in pain. I try to control it, but I can't control how I feel. How do I rationalize to my heart? The only thing my heart is good for is feeling, it doesn't listen to anything else. And these feelings absolutely sucks, because my heart is lost because it doesn't have a brain to keep things in focus. I wish my heart could listen to what I have to say, I wish it could think. I'm tired of trying to reach out to other people. Why can't they reach out to me? I don't understand it. I've tired my best to be the kind of person that people would want me to be, but people never give that back to me.
Maybe it's because I overanalyze everything or I am missing the bigger picture... whatever it is, it sucks. I hate you, love! I hate you, pain! I hate you, heart! Why don't any of you ever listen to what I have to say? If you were a human being, I'd stay far, far away from you. Je le d�teste tout!