"I don't know if you'll read this or not but I'm hoping that if you don't read it now that one day you'll come back and want to read it... or maybe... that you'll read it just a few days later after I write this. I've always remembered this diary. I never forgot it.
"I was waiting for you to write actually, but you never did. I don't blame you because I'm sure you had your own reasons. I'm glad that you never told me that you had a secret diary until now. I don't know what I would do, but I'm sure I would've tried something to get it. But now I know better. Ignorance is bliss.
"I never asked you how you felt about the whole thing, and I probably 'bad-mouthed' you a lot. You never said anything about that either. Sometimes I begin to wonder if you have any feelings at all. I know I do. But here's the truth. I bad mouthed you because I was hoping you'd change. That maybe I was so mean that you'd changed the way you are. I was wrong. I can't change you so I can only hope that you know what you are doing. I always felt like I was the one watching over you... And it was really great for the most part. And I think it was really great that I was making you happy. It made me happy. It really did, but the thing you didn't realize was that you took it all for granted. But I never left you because of that. I left because I couldn't stand being taken for granted. If I could've stand it, then I would've been there for you through gritted teeth, but that's the thing. I never felt appreciated.
"Maybe I should've spoken up and said something earlier, but I never realized how strong appreciation is. Just a little thank you... I never knew how strong that was. Somehow, you were the one that taught me that. All I ever wanted was a Thank you from you... that was all. And not one from IMs or a card... but just a big Thanks... because you felt like telling me how much you appreciated me being there. Maybe that's what caused me to try so hard...
"You probably still don't understand what happened... but I just hope that out of this, you learned one thing. It doesn't hurt to say Thank you.
"You know that I will still love you, and there will always be a part of you for me in my heart. And that spot will always belong to you. Through things are different... I got to know the real you... and you may not be what I was looking for, but that's okay, because it's been a great journey and I learned more about myself than I ever have. I hope you have that too. And even though it's too late for anything now, I wouldn't trade it back for anything, because that's when I would have regreated it."
written by Anna @ 04/25/2003 at 4:46 p.m.