I've been in a long distance relationship before, and look how that turned out. We both ended up hurt, but we still want each other sometimes. I just don't think I can do that again.
But then I think about it, and I go, you wimp. You're always scared. Jacob isn't Jeff. I don't even feel the same way around Jacob as I did Jeff.
And Jacob is nothing like Jeff, and plus there's the fact that I'm 3 years older now. But, I'm just so scared. There's this fear. I'm scared that I'm going to end up getting hurt and I don't want that. It took me 3 months to get over Jeff, and even now, every once awhile, I miss him. But then I look at myself and I just go, you idiot, this is what you've wanted in like the past 4 or 5 months, and just when I'm finally past the whole loneliness stage, this happens.
I don't know. I know I've already fallen for him pretty hard, and I know I should just take the rest of the leap, but I'm scared. I'm too scared... I know what it's like and I don't like it and I don't like the pain. But then, I know everyone's thinking, you should take this chance, and I'm thinking the same thing too, and I think that I'm going to hate myself if I don't take the chance, but I'm not sure that I'm ready.
I really don't think I am. Arg. Once again, I can't have what I want. Why does it have to be so hard? I mean, at least before I knew what I wanted, and I just couldn't have it, but now, I can take what I want, but I'm not ready. I'm so confused! DEEP BREATH.... breathe. Breathe. Breathe...
Arg!