I thought I needed love in the past when I felt so alone. When Enrique and Mike had left me, I felt so alone, but now it's different. I feel like me again, this is who I am, this is who I used to be. I'm happy now, and it's not just because of Jacob, but because of everything else too.
I was lying on my bed staring at my ceiling while listening to All You Wanted by Michelle Branch. I stare so much that the wall looks like a blur. I don't even notice this because I'm so lost in my thoughts. The light seems to make one side too bright and the shadow makes the other side darker than it actually is.
I was thinking about how great it was that Zuri and I are friends again. At one point, I'm pretty sure that I could care less about whether we are friends or not, but now I am really glad that we are friends, and I do care that we are friends.
I also really enjoy my chemistry class. I know I was really sad that Enrique's not in that class anymore, and TJ's not there to make the class laugh, but despite that, I like chemistry because Jed's in the class. I love being able to laugh and joke around with him. And Zuri and this other guy named Robert usually laughs with us. Chemistry is just so much fun. Despite the hard time I have with the labs, I like that Annabel sits next to me, and that Bo's in the class. I don't know, I just love this class. It's so much fun.
I love band too. It's just so much fun. I love talking to Barry. He's so friendly. He makes me laugh, and I make him laugh. I can easily talk to him. I feel so relaxed around him.
I feel pretty good and content with life right now, and I just don't want love to come around and ruin it 'cause frankly, I really do NOT need love to make me happier. I'm already very happy.
The only thing I am really having a problem with is being on time for things, and Jaclyn actually kind of gave me a tip about being to practices on time. I know she's just trying to do her job as the section leader for orchestra, that and looking out for me, but I don't know, I already felt bad in the beginning so she didn't make it any better. I guess I can just get really disappointed in myself. I wish I wasn't scared about what other people said about me. I hate open hostility, or any hostility for that matter.
The only extra bright thing about today was that Clare was pissed off. She's the only person that I really dislike, so there you go. She didn't really say why she was pissed, but she went on a few times about how life was bad for her and how she'd rather commit suicide. Course I was thinking, "yeah, do us all a favor and do that." But I hope she doesn't, 'cause then I'll end up feeling guilty.
Anyway, our group was finishing up our lab, but we had to stay after the bell to finish it. So she calls somebody and says something like, "never mind we shouldn't see each other today..." and I'm thinking "Hmm..." Then she says, "Because I'm pissed right now and if I talk to you we'll end up fighting and I don't want that" Then she sighs like it's that big of a deal, and repeats what she just said... then at the end she adds, "yeah, whatever, bye." I'm guessing it was her boyfriend and I'm just appalled by her attitude. She swears like everyone revolves around her and she can say to people what she wants and have them listen to her. Whatever. She couldn't even tell him nicely, she just had to give him some attitude. I hate people like that. They're never considerate. Even when I'm in a bad mood, I tend to be nice, and if I can't, I just keep quiet.
Anyway, I gotta finish my homework so bye.