The fact that not as many people visit my diary bother me. It shouldn't though, because I should be writing for myself not them. Everyone around me has an Xanga, it makes me want to get one too, but I know something's going to go down, down the road if I get one and I'll lack interest or something like that, so there's no point.

Something doesn't feel right around me. Last night my mom yelled at me for forgetting to tell my mom that my brother had a cold and started coughing, this is a big deal because my brother had a bit of malnutrition as a toddler, so whenever he gets a cold, he throws up, and coughs a lot and it takes him a long time to recover. This isn't the first time something like this happens and I forget to tell her.

It's not that I forget, it's just that there's a part of me that's too lazy to do it, because I remembered that I should've told her after I hung up, but I was like "oh well." I'm not sure if it's because I think it's no big deal or if it's because I'm too lazy to call back. I've also gotten in trouble for forgetting to call her when I go out, but I don't actually forget most of the time, I'm just too lazy and I think, she won't make a big deal, even though my instinct were telling me that she would. I don't know why I am this way, and every time my mom yells at me about stuff like this, I look back and think, and I know that she wasn't asking for a lot and it wasn't that hard, but yet, I have no idea why I didn't do it then. I always beat myself up, but the next time it happens and I'm in that situation again, I think the same "eh, whatever... she won't care" even when my instincts are saying she will care, and it's not like I don't believe in them, but somehow it doesn't make a different to me. Do I need therapy or something?

I'm also beginning to drift from family again. I can't stand anybody in this house sometimes and I really want to be out of here and somehwere else. Sometimes, I just think, "I shouldn't have to take care of my brother. It's not my fault he's 7 years younger than me." But if I said something like that, well, my mom'd be angry is what.

Anyway, I think I'm going to quit at Stitch. Because actually, I don't think that my life should revolve around the internet anymore. I want to keep Random Layout because I like designing layouts, but Stitch is starting to become a pain sometimes. I'm also thinking about closing down Breathing, just because there's really no point. No one ever really goes there, and I have no motivation to get myself known.

As for my clique, I'm waiting for Webby to email me back, but she hasn't in so long. Maybe I should switch host. Anyone willing to host me? But I need someone that has MySQL, I have no idea what it is, but apparantly I need it in order to use this phpfanbase thing. Maybe Som has it... I don't know, but she hasn't been online lately... Her internet connection got unplugged and I don't know when she's coming back. Ugh. Everything's a mess.

I hope I did well on Friday's chemistry test... it was really hard, especially the ion-electrion balancing. I wish it was Monday, I hate being at home, I'm never quite content...