I'm glad you enjoy (well, I assume you enjoy because you kept reading it) my entries. It does mean something to me, because I do hope to write for an audience and not just for myself sometimes. I don't understand why you feel privy though. But perhaps you have some kind of golden life and is not accustomed to comments like "life sucks", or maybe not... Either way, don't feel privy about it. Thank you for wishing me a good life. I do not hear it much and seldom do people say such things to me, mostly because they don't know I feel this way, or it's uncommon for people to say such a thing because most people have a lazy human nature (I have one). I am rather surprised that you are a guy. It doesn't make much of a difference, but I don't know, the male species tend to be even lazier than the female ones (no offense). But thank you nonetheless for you comment.
About this long distance relationship. I'm not sure how much of my diary you have read, but I've been in a long distance relationship before. I met him when I was 13, he was 15. We lasted for about a year. And we got to a point where we could be really intimate with each other and we definately loved each other. We broke up because we couldn't talk as much when school started and plus we had both started to like other people and I eventually broke it off in December. I felt really relieved then because I came out of a relationship that I was really unhappy with, but when I look back upon it now, I get mixed feelings about it. Sometimes, I still want him back, other times I don't. He was my first love, you know? And you don't let go of your first love that easily. Sometimes, I wish that I haven't gotten involved with a guy until later on in life, because I look back upon it now, and although I don't regret, I ended up a bitter person.
But anyway, I'm telling you this to warn you not to love when you're young, I have no idea how old you are, but if you're 13... though I doubt you are, just be careful. Love's not as great as everyone makes it out to be. I too dream of that happily ever stuff, but I am also very realistic.
I also want to comment that I say things here that I may not necessairly mean. The quote you gave me is very simliar to "When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade." And I actually do follow with this, it's just that I tend to bitch about having to make lemonade. Please understand that I don't think that all mankind is hopeless, but I do think most are. I know that I will never completely isolate myself because there would be people that would hold me back and I would eventually hold back also. I do have hope (not much, but I do) that I will find someone that would understand me, but I've also come to accept the fact that this may never happen, but I'm okay with that. Like I said, I am a romantic, but I'm also very, very realistic, because I couldn't stand it if I were hurt again like I was before.
Sincerely,
Anna
PS- If you could email me your URL or something, that'd be great. I do like to meet new people despite some people being asses.
Originally from An Optimist:
Wow.... I've just literally read your last month of diaries back-to-back... that's some really intense stuff ("stuff" doesn't do your diaries justice, but then I've never been good with words!). I feel really guilty now, like I've been privy to some information that wasn't for my eyes. In some ways, that is the case too. Anyway... I just wanted to say that I hope you have a fantastic life, in every way. I don't mean that as a throwaway gesture either; you don't know me, and I don't know you, but being a hopeless romantic myself I can't help but hope you get what you want, whether that means finding someone you can love unconditionally, or even just a friend who will always be there for you to cheer you up and make you realise that, yeah, life isn't so bad after all. I'm really sorry for not providing any email or webpage, but if I did and some particular person read this, I think I'd be slaughtered! :P But I'll share this with you: I went on holiday a while back, and met the most fantastic girl there (did I forget to mention I'm a guy?? I hope that doesn't affect anything!). We were together for little over a day, but during that time we had the most wonderful time together. The problem is that she lives on the other side of the world. We still keep in contact, by email, by phone, by writing 'real' letters... everytime I hear from her I feel so good inside. I really, really like her... maybe, I even love her... I can't tell. I do know that I really want to be with her, and I know she wishes we could be together too - despite the fact that we both said we knew nothing could come of it. At least, not unless something drastic happens. The point of all this rambling? Well, I don't know what may happen in the future: we may get together one day (I'm hoping to earn enough money to go visit her one day), or we may go on to lead our separate lives. God forbid, we might never want to talk to each other ever again. But I do know this: whatever may happen, I'm thankful that she came into my life, as I am with every person I have ever met, both good and bad. The good have shown me how to live life, while the bad remind me not to take the good for granted. But I try to remember the good times I had with every person. I know that this is just my opinion, but I hope you might consider it: don't shut yourself off from the world. No matter how much crap you've been given throughout life, you've got to keep pushing on. You WILL meet that special someone, no matter how long it takes. Sure, you may meet lots of idiots along the way, and you'll become more wary of people, but when you meet someone, anyone, for the first time, don't be afraid to let them into your heart. Maybe that's an easy thing for me to say at this moment in time. I don't know. But I hope that's how I will always live my life. Here's one thing I always keep in mind though: one of my best friends said it, and although I quote it slightly differently every time, the idea is something I'll never forget: "When life deals you your hand of cards, you may win small or big, or similarly lose a little or a lot. Whatever the outcome, the trick is to keep playing, and never fold." Take care, and may you have a fantastic life.