I regret writing the previous entry, because now I've been constantly thinking about him. I'm daydreaming again. I shouldn't put myself through this, but I can't help myself, even though I know I'll end up in the same place as last time.

I've already given up on us, but there's a part of me that hopes anyway. I don't get that about myself. It's like I set myself up for these pains.

I haven't heard his voice for over a month now, and it would be nice if he called, but I wouldn't know what to say if he did. I'm not sure what's wrong with me because a few days ago, I could care less if he called or not, because I was fine with the fact that he's not in my life.

Now I feel as if I'm waiting by the phone, hopelessly and desperately waiting for him to call me, and even though that's not the case, it sure doesn't feel like that.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I can't wait for tomorrow when everything is sorted out and figured out... hah! Yeah right, I'll be confused just as ever. I should really stop thinking about him, but I can't. I just want to hold him and be held by him.

I keep thinking about that dream that he had and told me about one or two years ago. It consisted of us snuggling on a bed and me saying, "this is how it's supposed to be". I still wonder what I meant by the that. I'm not sure I trust this dream. I'm not even sure I know what I'm talking about. I've gotta go. I'm going to go read and listen to some NIN stuff tonight.