I can't stand it for some reason and I know I'm about to break... anytime soon now. I'm just not sure when that is. I hope I won't have to experience a break down because well, I don't really have time for it and it's not really healthy for me anyway. I was supposed to do a lot of things today, but so far I've done nothing. This doesn't really surprise me, but I feel really disappointed in myself. I know I didn't have much time yesterday, but gosh, I just spent the past hour or so making buttons for people.

It's not that it's hard, it's just very time consuming. I'm going to have to temporary close it down. I hate doing it, but I'm going to have to. Furthermore, I'll probably have to be away from diaryland and the internet for awhile. Frankly, I have too much work to make up because of my stupid chicken pox.

I feel so pathetic. Sometimes, I wish I had someone here to control me, say "go study, now! I mean it, you bitch!" ...Well, I only added the cussing to add more effect... heh. ^_^;; I doubt anyone would ever cuss at me... course unless I really pissed them off.

Anyway, hopefully, I'll be away for awhile, because if I'm away that means I'm studing and making up my work, but I don't know anymore, I lack so much control. I wonder how I'm going to turn out when I grow up.

In fact, Mr. Allen pointed something out that I found rather interesting. He said that how you treat your instrument and how you prepare for your concert and how you practice shows who you are and your personality. Perhaps that's true, because in orchestra class, I sometimes end up doing work for other class because it's due by the next period or whatever and sometimes when I have to practice the piano, I get really lazy and I just bullshit through the whole thing. Perhaps, that's what my life will be like, and what my personality is like, but sometimes I find myself really enjoying the piano and playing the violin, so perhaps, all is not lost at all. At least, I hope not.

Well, tomorrow morning I got practice and I'll be making up a test during 4th period... I just know I can't wait for the weekend. This has got to be the longest week of my whole entire life. I've never felt so stressed, frustrated, confused and overwhelmed as I have this week and I can honestly say that the only person who I really think was there for me (at school anyway) was Bo. She is just the greatest. I know she's not reading this, but I hope she realizes that she's the best. She was the only person that constantly told me that she missed me and was willing to help me out a lot more with my work than anyone else...

There were other people that said hi to me and noticed that I was back, but besides that... not really. Maybe I'm asking for too much attention from these people... well, it doesn't matter, I don't really care. At least I know that Bo is here. She is just so awesome. It's too bad that she's gonna be gone next year. Oh, also another person who made a big deal about me coming back was Sarah, so thanks to her too. Maybe she'll see this.

Lastly, I wanted to thank Nate for his lovely note. It was really nice of you to send me a hug when I needed one the most, so thank you big bro! I love ya. And I know that Stace also sends her love right now if she knew I felt like this so I thank her too, even though she's not here... I hope she comes back soon!

Anyway, I hope that I get some stuff done and that I'll stop feeling this way. I hope everyone can be supportive of me even if that means temporarily (at least I hope so, I want to get work done) leaving diaryland. I'll probably be back next week, maybe even this weekend.