It seems that everyone around me is having a good time, except for a few as always. There is never anyone that says, "Christmas... yah, it's okay." Kind of like mushrooms... I don't know anyone that say, "yeah, mushrooms, they're okay." People either like it or hate it.

Today does not feel like a great Christmas to me. It's raining outside (and the weahter usually tells my mood), and I'm home all by myself. I would be content if I could even play video games with my brother but he's out with his friends. I've never felt so alone before.

I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing, as I usually am, but I'm afraid that something's going to change and I don't want it to. I mean, it's not like I like the situation that's going on right now, but I know when things change, I'm going to hate it and i'm going to have a hard time adapting to it, because first I'm going to fight the change, and once I do accept it, I'm going to bitch about it and finally, the change is going to make me even more bitter than I am now.

So to avoid this change, I'm going to run away. I know it, I'm going to run away from everything. And the best part (sarcasm) of it is I'm going to end up hurting someone, maybe more than one person. But the thing that sucks most is that this someone is gonna be someone that I really care about. And I know I'll look back and regret it, but I'm sitting here, trying hard not to run away, but it's so hard. Running is what I'm good at. It's the easy way out, but I don't want to look back and regret this, again. Basically, I'm just foretelling what's going to happen, and because I'm so weak, there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I'll never be strong enough and therefore, another reason I should be in New York.