Chris says: Yea.
I say: How long?
He says: Really long... FOREVER.
I don't like saying this, but I feel like Chris is like my last chance for a close friendship. I don't have that with Mike because he lives in another state. I can't say I'm friends with Enrique because we just don't talk anymore. I can't say this for Denysia, because I can't seem to open up certain things to her. I can't say things to Andre because... I don't know, he's just not that kind of friend to me. And well, Jeff's too far away.
I hate this because I'm repeating my pattern. Chris is going to leave my life sooner or later and then I'll be back without a close friend. It breaks me because I feel that I constantly need a close friend, because I constantly want someone I can open up with. And I need that someone to be someone I can see like everday. I hate depending on Chris as a close friend, because well, Chris is not exactly someone you can depend on. Chris is complex, kind of like me, I guess. But really, Chris is difficult and it's going to take work, and that's different from my past friendships, but maybe that's a good thing, because all my past friendships, I didn't have to work on them, and look how they ended. So maybe this is a good thing... I'd really hope so. I really do want a close friend again. And I definately don't want to get hurt again.