I forget why I'm living sometimes. When you think about it, everything's so futile. We go to school to graduate, so we can get a job, or go to college to get a career, and then what? Get a career and support yourself, your family? Everything that I am doing now is supposed to be some kind of climatic bulid up to the day where I have everything I'll need and who knows if that day will even come? I look at my parents and sometimes, and I really wonder if they are truely happy. They never seem to have a moment of rest and they are constantly so tired, not that I blame them, I get so tired of everything too. I don't understand why they would think life is worth living. Why can't life be about just hanging out with people you want to talk to, watch movies and eat lunch, or talk on the phone and go online. Why can't we do that forever? Who cares if we're dumb! We're happy dumb people!

And I guess I'm kind of at that stage again, where I feel like life is so meaningless. I used to like routine because i could always predict what was going to happen, but not anymore. Routine is so boring and then I forget why I'm alive anymore. I'm not saying I want to kill myself or anything, but I just want to know, what is the purpose of my existance? I don't matter to anyone anymore. I mean before when I had Nancy or something, I could understand how sad it must be to lose a friend. And I had fun just hanging with Nancy and talking and stuff because life was so carefree. I could understand it if I had a significant other, but I don't. Friends always say they'll miss me, but it wouldn't change anything drastically in anyone's life. Yeah you'll think, "Anna's gone" and maybe you'll cry and give a few sniffs, but so what? You're life won't change so dramatically, and that's understandable because I feel that way about everyone else now.

I don't know, along the way I forgot what I was living for. When I had friends, I could always hang out with them and stuff, you know? So I never thought about it like that. I don't really have friends to distract me anymore. I just want to know what significance I possibly bring by existing. Each day feels like it drags on and the only time I'm ever happy is when I'm sleeping, but unfortunately, I never get enough sleep and I could never sleep forever. I'm tired of these long, blurry days that just tend to drag on. Each day passes, but it just feels like some long never ending depression. I'm not exactly depressed really, but I don't know.

It was raining yesterday. Somehow the weather always knows how I'm feeling.