Everything was new and exciting and there were big changes. What gets to me most is that I didn't keep much from those years, which really saddens me. I can't believe things are like so. If there is one thing that I really want, I want the past. I want to relive one of those days. I loved those days.
It seems that nowaday, I get lost in everything around me and I think that most of the time, I really forget if I'm happy or sad, because I don't think that really matters to me anymore. A lot of the time my life seems like a blur and I forget what happened when, and I guess that's okay, because there's only so much I can remember to the specifics. I don't really care about being happy or sad anymore, because I'm just me now. I know a lot of this doesn't make sense, because it doesn't really make sense to me, but I'm hoping that when I read this one day, it'll make sense.
I'm so tired of regretting the things that I should've done. If I had to go through it all over again, I would change so many things and maybe I would've tried harder to keep things the way it was before. But I will never know because things have changed. I keep wondering if it'll ever go back to the way it was, in a way, with Chris coming back again, a part of my past has rekindled and that makes me wonder if everything will come back one of these days.
I could do so many things different... but I won't get that chance. And I guess that's okay... everything's okay... it's better this way, no broken heart or anything. Nobody can break me anymore. I've become so prepared and I've changed so much. As the same cycle repeats, I already know what to do. And my heart grows too strong to ever get damaged, not like before.