Anyway, you have to check out my new layout at my xanga of The Fragile by Nine Inch Nails. If you know anything about xanga, you know that it's so hard to change anything on it, you can only change like the colors and crap, but I managed to make it pretty, because I'm just so amazing like that. Well, not really, but yeah, it's pretty, don't you think? And The Fragile is one of my favorite songs ever! Now when I open my xanga, I see a pretty page instead of an ugly one. It took me about 3 hours to do it... it was mostly the codes, it's hard to fix it up to the way that you want.
Things between Chris and I are eh. I haven't been trying and I doubt that he has either. It's just as well because I don't really care anymore. This is what I should've done in the beginning - just sit back and relax. I'm so tired of getting my hopes up and expecting things from him. It seems that whenever he is in my life, he complicates everything. I can't think straight because my emotions are so mixed up. I guess if Chris and I hang out, that will be cool, but I'm tired of standing around like a puppy dog waiting for things to happen and wagging my tail whenever I see him. I'm better off without that stuff.
A thing I've talked about in my other diary that I should here, well, Jeff and I are pretty much over ...like forever. I don't see any chance that things will ever be normal around us. I was kind of disappointed because he had given up. If he doesn't give up, it seems like there's always a chance, but when he agreed with me, I felt such disappointment and I shouldn't have because this is what I wanted, isn't it? My feelings and my thoughts never match each other. I wish my feelings would listen to what I have to say, but it has a mind of it's own. In a way, I feel like a part of me has died and in another way, I lost some respect for Jeff, but that's so ridiculous, because what he did was good for both of us, why should I lose respect for him? Sometimes I think I have everyone and everything all mixed up...
I'm so glad today is Tuesday, that means American Idol and America's next top model. I hope I don't fall asleep. These 2 shows are really the only thing left of my enjoyment. The only other thing I watch (weekly) is Tru Calling and sometimes Charmed. What happened to all the good TV shows? There's this new show that's coming to Fox, I forget what it's called, but it looks like a good series. I watch the finale of My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee, and I was surprised to find a few tears from my eyes at the end. Yeah, it was kind of sad, but I cried mostly because other people were crying. I'm easily affected like that.
Well, I have a ton of homework to do so I better go; talk to you later.