I got this pretty little fan sign from Riley... can't call her by her old name anymore because some guy was stalking her online... I like her old name, but Ri's cool too.
Pretty, no? Visit her site if you get bored.
I should be asleep right now, but oh well.
I can't seem to get Chris outta my head and that's starting to piss me off. A certain other person is also pissing me off, and it's not even really his fault. I just all of a sudden started to dislike his personality... and I can't put my finger on exactly what. This reminds me of the relationship I had with Nancy. I feel like such a fake. I hate it, but I hate this person even more because he's so fake. I can't stand fake people.
I don't know why things have to be so fucking complicated. And I want to stop thinking about Chris, but I can't. I haven't seen him online since Sunday... He told me today that I have problems. I smacked him even though I knew it was true, I do have problems. I just wish I knew the answers to my problems, 'cause he sure as heck don't.
I heard Why Can't I? by Liz Phair on the radio earlier today, I haven't heard that for a long time. That song reminds me so much of Chris. We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning. I think I am getting too personal in this diary... but yeah, I think that's how I feel. I just don't think it's right to lose my virginity to him though, but I'm scared that I'll end up giving it away to someone even more meaningless. At least Chris is a friend... I should just stay a fucking 50 year old virgin or something.
I hate this Michelle Branch song, Till I get over you. Actually, I like this song, but it reminds me of Jeff. I asked him if he's still planning to come here during the summer but I haven't heard from him. I don't know if he just hasn't read it, haven't had time to respond or more likely, he doesn't know what to say because he hasn't decided. I hate putting him in that position, but fuck I'm a bitch so whatever. I always get mixed feelings about him too, sometimes I'll want him to come, other times I'll think what's the point? I'll probably end up hurting him even more.
God. I hope he doesn't fucking read this entry. I feel so drunk. I'm not sure I'm thinking straight, maybe it has something to do with the lack of sleep I'm getting. I haven't felt this bitchy in a long time. Maybe I should just go to sleep. Bye babe.
Oh yeah, I hate my fucking mouse. I need a new one.