Everyone at school thought that I was depresssed. Even this one girl in my orchestra class tried to comfort me and ask me if I was okay. Later on in chemistry class, Bo asked me if I was okay and that I seemed kind of sad. Sometimes I wonder if I unconsciously look sad because I feel that way unconsciously. Today wasn't that great of a day, but it was definately survivable. We had this eassy about Catcher in the Rye, and I thought it was easy, but a lot of people in the class were complaining about it. Whatever.

I got a new screenname, so if anyone's bored, you can im me at xperfectxdrug. I'm probably bored anyway.

Chris hasn't been online since Sunday and I'm actually a little worried. When I need to talk to him, he's never there. I don't really want to call him... but even if I did, he probably wouldn't answer. Nobody in that house ever answers the phone, especially since the answer machine comes on on the 2nd ring. I saw Chris briefly during lunch... and I mean I saw. I didn't talk to him and I doubt he saw me. Mr. Allen told me today that he got kicked out of band. Gosh, Chris, when will you learn? Ms. Zietlow, the assistant principle took him out of all his band classes because he kept ditching his classes and hid in the band room. I wonder a bit if he ditched so that he could talk to me though, but somehow I doubt it, just because A.J. was there, ditching with him, and Chris knows that I don't like hanging out with him unless we're alone. I'm so angry at Chris. I can't believe that he got kicked out of band. I know how much drumming meant to him...

I had a strange dream about Jason yesterday. I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that Jason and I were becoming better friends or something, but I wasn't expecting a dream like last night's. It's hard to explain and I'm not sure that I even remember it correctly. I only remember lying on his legs and then there was some kind of sexual tension or something and it seemed like he liked me. I don't know why I have dreams like that, because it's not the first time that I had a dream about him where he liked me and I'm surprised. I wish it would stop, because I don't think he likes me, not like that anyway.

All the cute guys at our school are all sophomores. What's up with that?! I'm never really into younger guys, but jeez! :( I doubt any of them like me anyway. I think maybe I just feel like I need some testosterone around me... hmm... who knows?

I don't know how I feel anymore. I am always too distracted, thinking about Chris. Man, fuck. I wish he would leave my brain, but he won't. He's always fucking there and I... What's the point of it all anymore?

Sometimes I wonder if thinking about Chris gets me down more than I realize.

There was something else that I wanted to talk about, but I forgot what it was, it was supposed to be about a pet peeve of mine, but oh well, I'll update again if I remember... Bye babes.